A man's guide to fulfillment!

What do I hear in the news? Murder and rape! What is happening to my brothers! I wonder what pleasure or happiness do people get out of these acts? Is it sexual frustration or just ego? Whatever it is, I know most Maldivian men are really desperate, and sexually frustrated, as there don't go by a day when a friend don't ask me, "Man, introduce me a girl". Sorry forks, I am done, had my share of girls from this world and I don't have the time for match making. However, I know your feelings and I believe locking our girls indoors is not the answer, so out of just mere frustration I am writing this, "A man's guide to fulfillment!"

First know, pleasure, desire and love are just feelings. Feelings can be either good or bad, of course with lots of variations in between. As for happiness is a state of mind. You cannot be happy if your searching for happiness. You cannot be happy by wanting it, you can only be happy by living a life of your wanting, happiness is a lifestyle. So the question is, what is that you want? Just know, the other man's wife will always be beautiful! Always! And it is not what you want! Enough definitions, lets get down to the crash course. First if you want to be happy love yourself. For heavens sake, you are a divine being created by God! With rights to be happy. Above all, thank God, that you are the master of your soul. Love yourself, however you are, how odd things are, just do it. If you don't love yourself who else will? If you don't love yourself how can you give or get love and know it? How can you ever give or acknowledge something that you don't have? I don't want to hear that your parents are nuts or you live in a shit hole! These are just excuses to blame others of your failures. I love my more than nutty parents and I did live in a shit hole where gorgeous girls used to visit. I am short, bold and not the smartest looking creature in this world. Frankly I never cared to know if a girl really loved me or not, all I know is I love myself and that is enough to get my regular doze of fulfillment. Truth is, I never ever had sex, I only make love! :)

That's the fundamental basics of a happy lifestyle, love thyself. Next comes someone to share this love with! To rephrase, how to attract a girl? Truth is, girls are as desperate and frustrated as you are. So what are girls looking for? Majority of girls (except the gold diggers), mostly unconsciously, are looking for a personality to match or exceed her. So what is this thing called 'personality'?

Let us talk a bit about personality here! We seems to have many personalities, the way we act with family members, mum and dad is not how we act with friends. Similarly the way we act in social gatherings is not the way we act in our classroom. So to speak I am breaking down the personality to three sub categories. First our animal personality, second our individual personality and third social personality.

Animal personality is what I would refer to as the wild sexual fantasies, the need to have sex in extreme conditions and places, the man eager to procreate. The personality that is frank, direct and spontaneous. This personality trait is rarely shown in the social dynamic, this is now a days commonly known as the bad boys or jerks. Everyone of us has it, we can take the animal away from the jungle, but the jungle is always inside the animal.

The individual personality is what I would call as who you are when you are with your own self. This relates to what you like, what you want and what you care for in this world. This can include your taste in food, your favorite color, cloths that you like to wear, places that you want to hang out and how you like to spend you free time and etc.

Social personality is how you relate with others, more diplomatic and friendly aspect of your personality. How you relate with friends and family comes from this personality trait. How you deal with difficult people, how you acquire friends, how friendly you are seen by others are shaped by this personality. How funny, arrogant, cocky or pleasing you are in a crowd depends on this personality.

So to be happy more importantly to attract a girl you need to master all three personalities, I will come to the reason for it later. You must have high values in all three. In order to get high personality values you will have to experiment a lot and know yourself. Talk to friends or just go out and experiment. I personally prefer the latter. How you prefer to do is up to you, but there is nothing compared to live experimenting. All in all just trust your emotions, there are only two kinds of emotions, either good or bad. So if what you are doing is making you feel good your on track. If not, try something else.

In the animal personality you must be sure of how you like to flirt, kiss, cuddle and get physical. Whether you prefer sensual over sexual and how to shift from one to another. How you communicate yourself to others. Nearly 90% of this personality is all about action. You need to learn to communicate how you want what you want and act on it.

Individual personality is all about you. What kind of movies you like, books you like, cloths you like, tastes you like, how you like to spend time, what kind of friends you like, what kind of hobbies you like, what you want to become in life. Just try different things to get a fixation on what you want. Like try different dishes to see how they taste. Try different cloths and see how you look like. Try talking with some new kind of a guy to see if you like hanging out. Try a different sport. Listen to different kind of music to see if you feel them. Take a new course or attend a class. There are limitless things you can do. Again just trust your emotions. There is no need to justify why you like it or hate it. You can just say I love it or that is rubbish, you don’t have to take anyone's approval. Go out and try so you will have a feel of what you are really made of. Remember jerking off is not a personality trait! :p

Social personality is a tricky one. It is all about others and how others see you. Here you have to learn how to relate with others. We are social creators, but how we are related by others depends on others perception. Perception is all that matters, whether it is true or false, it doesn’t matter. If someone sees you as a jerk, than in his eyes you are a jerk, it is his reality and it has nothing to do with you. It is his problem so let him handle it. What you have to learn here is how to talk with people to convey different kind of emotions. Like how to make someone angry, happy, smile, laugh, cry and jealous. Of course diplomacy places a major role, so don't go over board. You can ask for guidance from friends and books if you want but never trust them without experimenting or knowing or feeling. As I told before I like to experiment on my own. You have to have high social values in both individual and group encounters. Just go out that door and mingle, there is a wide world out there waiting for you. If someone don’t like you or accept you, it is there loss as you have a great individual personality that they just missed the chance to make friend with.

When you have a high individual personality you will have enough to talk about, discuss, opinions and argue with others. When you present your point of view of life and how you see it, they will either accept it or they will enlighten you with new realities. Learn to make fun with embracing movements, limitations, obstacles and misfortune. Know when to say yes and no. Build a curiosity to know others, what they like, what they want, including the reasons to why! And know 'I don't like it' or 'I don't want it' or 'I just like is!' is an answer too. When you are socializing you will come up with enough stories to talk about that will help along the way. Then you will be presented with opportunities to experiment your animal personality, it will come, just don’t push. Enjoy the ride, nature is not that cruel!

So once you have the attention of a girl, how to deal with her? First know girls are wired differently than man! Man are more like on-off switches. We are either high or low, but girls are like dimmer switch! Let me explain, do you know that feeling when your boss, mum or a teacher ask to do something that you don't like to do? Know that feeling? What if they pet on your back, offer you a sweet smile and ask you if you did not finish the work it would be a loss for both, so you better get your job done? Some time you create an excuse and some times you let yourself go! Well, this is human feelings in action. So how to go pass this little obstacle of feeling, "I don't like you"! Well, just know that beauty is something people are born with. It is a gift, what really matters is her personality. That is the only thing you can have fun with. So first just aim to know what she is really made of! Beauty is like the cloths she wears, anybody can become beautiful and sexy, look at the movie stars. When the cloths are off, everybody is naked! However, personality takes time and effort to build. So when you see a beautiful girl what you really want to know is what kind of a personality she really have. Never objectify her, thinking how beautiful she is, true beauty is skin deep. In my personal experience the more beautiful a girl was, underneath her cloths, the more an emotional sucker fish she was. An emotional sucker fish will drain you out so fast that you will start devising plans to loose her without hurting her feelings. On the other hand, in my personal experience the more beautiful a girl was the more loyal she turned out to be. Now, that's my personal experience, which is limited to me.

Last the animal personality is when you both know and feel the spark, and trust each other enough to experiment on what nobody else has to know. So buy me a coffee if you want more! ;)

The formula for fulfillment is first work on your individual personality, than your social and last on your animal. You will not need to ask your friends for numbers or use pick up lines or seductions or manipulations. Just go out and see if there is a girl who can match your personality. So to summarize, when you are in a social setting with her, use your social personalities. When you are alone with her in a social setting use your individual personality. When you are alone with her in privacy use your animal personality. With time this will come natural but at first you might have to have some misses, depending on how determined you are and how good you learn from your mistakes.

If you are determined enough this will take three weeks to form the habits, six months to see confidence and some results, and less than a year to get a beautiful girl, two years to have more than you want and five years to become a Jedi level master. Good luck and satisfy those girls with style.

Even if I go to hell, I will go there on my terms!

A friend asked me today "Do you think you will go to heaven?" Truth is, I don't know. How can I know when even Muhammed (PBUH) did not know what will happen to him! All I make sure in life is, make time to stop by to think of a day I will die. Yeah! I will die one day. But I can't be obsessed about my death for that will stop me. I have a life to live, things to do, places to go and people to meet. So I am not sure where I will end up, hell or heaven. Practically I can't be bothered. But this much I am pretty sure, I live my life on my own terms, not how someone else wants or says or believes! So even if I go to hell, I will go there on my terms, by doing what I wanted to do in life.

When your grown up you have to get used to others who aren't

Why do some people get angry or criticize unreasonably? I have given more than desired time contemplating. The best was, he must be frustrated with someone else or something and needed a person to lash out on to feel better. Poor me! Or on the other hand maybe he is jealous of my ideas and way of life. This is the best I could come up with to take it with a grain of salt. It is useless to waste time pouting on people who wish to reneges on promises for disappointment. When your grown up you have to get used to others who aren't.

God, why did you create so many freaks?

What has this world come to? Am I the only sane single guy living? Yes, I may be alone but I am not lonely! To most it is the same but to me, there is a huge difference! The way to have such peace is to just let go of all despair. Just blow away the nostalgia! I have made peace with all my losses in life! Do whatever you have to do, even mourn if you have to but move forward! I free myself from the rut of regret! I have no fear of tomorrow! The only way, for life is not worth living without, forgiveness, pleasure, beauty, and faith! So today, I forgive everyone who ask for it... Yes, your forgiven!

Today I have nothing to ask from my Creator. Just one question, "God, why did you create so many freaks?"

Where to find an interesting single?

I don't want to be seen as arrogant, not even when I am confident and full of myself... For I never enjoy feeling smug! So I guess I am in need to vent this excess energy, before I get angry with anymore people who are having the same crazy days as me! A time to take my jogging and swimming sessions more seriously! Or should I invest in love? Surely cards, flowers and gifts have helped in expressing my affection, but this extra energy I am feeling needs someone real, a physical presence really soon, perhaps a private session with my new SLR! So I am here thinking, is this the time for the same friends or the old friends or some new friends? So todays question is, where to find an interesting single?

Question is, should I stop seeing her?

Restraining myself is always the hardest of all, as I do not believe in it. However, I can and I do exercise good judgment! Even in the matters of the heart! My heart always rules over my fears! Said all this, one of the girls I am dating is somewhere between what I fear she is and what I am sure she is!
In short, she was not what I had imagined, but she was there, ready, willing and fit for love. Am I to forget the sketch in my head and enjoy? You know what they say, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush!
In any case what should a man do, in front of a subject of indulgence and when the hormones are well tuned? Go for an all night long?
Nevertheless, I don't want to hate myself in the morning? Truth is, one more step and I am there! Question is, should I stop seeing her?

Don't blame, just take my words for the pain...

Why do we have to fall in love? How many times do I have to tell, don't love me and just be my friend! More than that, stop acting like another victim... Didn't I tell you, never to expect anything from someone like me? If I remember correctly, I never lie, so what more can a man possibly be? Maybe I failed to mention, love always end up in affliction and life is too short for such sufferings... This has being an edifice since I can remember, since man stepped on this earth... So that is how things gonna end... Remember, I don't have any love inside me and not even an ounce of good in me... So I easily walk away... Just get me... Don't blame, just take my words for the pain...

Four Stages of A Man's Life: Stage 04: Wisdom

The last stage of a man's life is true wisdom! So first lets look at what wisdom is? Among the definitions given by www.answers.com are "the ability to discern or judge what is true, right or lasting; insight," "the sum learning through the ages; knowledge," and "a wise outlook, plan or course of action" (Isn't it strange to define a word by itself?). So let's discard the last meaning.

Let us take each of the other definitions, "the ability to discern or judge what is true, right or lasting; insight" What is this all about "discern or judge..."? Is this wisdom? Or is it justice? Or perceive? Or recognize? Let's discard that one too. The other at least seem more promising; "the sum learning through the ages; knowledge". This is probably what you will say if I ask you the question. However knowledge is a combination of wisdom and understanding. So we cannot completely agree with this one, so let's discard this definition as well and talk about it.

So we've now discarded all the definitions of wisdom suggested by answers.com. I could check other dictionaries and to come up with something that might works. But why should I? You know what wisdom is. You knew what wisdom is even before you started reading this, and you still know what it means. We are just having trouble expressing it; putting it into words.

Congratulations! You've just experienced wisdom. Wisdom refers to a pure state of knowing, that differs from "knowledge" in that "wisdom" is unconstrained, or uncontaminated so to speak, by such things as words, tangible facts, or even understanding. We're dealing with a pure sort of insight; so pure, that we can't define it using a language, yet we are fully aware that wisdom and knowledge aren't the same thing. Here, I surrender to the limitations of language, but we all "know" what wisdom is but we can't express it; our "knowledge" is too pure to be reduced to words.

So true wisdom, is a stage where you know others, a bit of the future and influence at will. The knowledge to accurately predict and read people and events. It is a stage of playing your own games. It is the stage where you say what you want unspoken. It is the stage when you speak and only few understand. It is the stage when you are in total control of all your feelings. It is a stage were you accept death with a big smile. It is a stage were you can read the natures signs. Can you?

Four Stages of A Man's Life: Stage 03: Power

When you become a man of understanding power is inevitable. From loved ones, family, friends to employers will entrust you with power. With so much power bestowed to you it becomes a true test of yourself. You can tend to it or abuse it. It is normal to sway yourself in the mist of it. It is up to you to use this power for the greater good or to use it for your selfish needs. While in power there is only one person who knows everything you do and to whom you have to answer everyday. That person is you!

I still remember the day when I was entrusted by my employer to fire four of their senior staffs. They were old, incompetent and seen as a liability. Yes, I did convinced them to resign and retire for the greater good. On the other hand I remember the time when my boss wanted to fire two staff as my skills can easily replace them. As I was expensive the company could only afford either me or both of them. Looking at them, with kids and families to take care of, I decided to resign for the greater good. As I always intend to exercise my powers so I can peacefully sleep at night.

To be in power is a nice feeling but if you defy your powers and let go at will, then and only then, nature will bestow you the next stage of life, true wisdom.

Four Stages of A Man's Life: Stage 02: Confusion

We all feel fear, but some choose to do it anyway, these people are called fearless. As such a fearless man, life become a question of finding things that I should never do! When you tend to have no fear, people, the weaklings, tend to be afraid of you. People obey you, respect you. Nothing seems to stop you. Everything within your ego and selfishness seems to entrap you. I have done nearly every deed that my mind can imagine. Both good and bad, in groups and alone, life was all about fun and me. But if you stop and think, it was always confusing, which I rarely did. I never questioned my creation or existence!

However some extremes lead to disappointments and sufferings, natures way of stopping you, so you can think. The times when you make those big mistakes and learn your lessons by traumatic experiences. However, you do have the choice to wonder around like a blind fool with days and nights flying by. Instead you also can accept your defeat, repent and surrender yourself to the nature's laws and observe the limits set by God! Believe me, that is the only way for you to start understand life. Everybody needs some time alone, to ponder on the purpose, the reasons and the truths. Repent, the road to a humble person, to stop by and smell the roses.

I still remember that day as a daring boy after a daring road rush accident. On bed in great pain involuntarily I cried for my mother. "Mum it is painful..." My mun while sitting next to me said "There is nothing mum can do, bare it!" and she left. I thought to myself, if mum can't help, who can? While a wounded boy, at a blink of an eye, I thought of God and eased myself with a silent prayer. This easing let to a greater understand why I was where I was. It sounds common sense now, but not to that fearless boy, at the face of excitement and a challenged ego. From my face to toes I have 19 permanent scars with a story and an unforgettable lesson attached to each. Once you submit to natures cause of laws, clearing the confusions of life to understand the truths, the reasons, the right and wrong you are faced with the next stage, power.

The Four Stages of A Man's Life: Stage 01: Fear

When life befit as mundane with all reflections nixed, the facts and fictions separated by a hair's breadth, you scarcely remember were you learn what you learn. Following is based on an inspiration, a confusing but stimulating inspiration with my smoke as my best friend.

I came to this epiphany a few years back of the four stages or obstacles of a man's life. Some pass through all, some don't. Some climb through all, some get stuck in a loop. Some jump back and forth between stages. As we say too much of anything is good for nothing, even fun can be boring and I have been there. Having all that you want can be boring, and you feel like ruining it so you can start all over again, I have been there too. It is really amazing how the reality is so funny when you are not having fun.

The first stage of life is fear! We are born to the world with a host of fear. We fear the night, the darkness, loneliness. We fear the animals, insects, creepers and the unseen. As a baby we feared a lot, if we only remember! Even to some grownups fear still seems to be a mystery. However, with time we learn to face our fears and defy it.

I still remember as a boy I used to have a dream, the same dream over and over for several months. It was a dark night, no obstacles, no tree, no building, no objects, no sky, no ground and nobody else. Just me and a huge 40 feet dark hairy giant stumping after me. I ran until I got so tired and always wake up sweated with heavy breathing. I did endured this for hundreds of times. One day while running in my dream, I thought to myself, "How long will I run like this? Stop and fight, the worst is death and its over!" So I stopped, turned and looked up at the giant ogre. It was scary looking at those glowing giant red eyes. After staring for few seconds it vanished to thin air and I woke up. I don’t know how but that day marked the birth of a fearless little boy. No fear of death, animals, night, the unknown or even phantoms.

I remember when I used to fear centipedes, one day while in the toilet bowl a rather large centipede was heading my way. The toilet was clean white so it was really prominent on the floor. I looked at it and I knew of my fear but thought I will face it. I stayed motionless with my eyes fixed on it, while it came zigzagging toward me at a rapid speed. It touched my right toe stayed there for a couple of seconds and turned around and rested halfway near the wall. I said to myself "Was I afraid of that little creature?", smiled and finished my business killing it.

So I now believe every man have to face his fears or stay running away from it until it engulf them to madness. Once you defy your fears, you are faced with the next stage of life which is confusion and understanding...

A faimini definitely worth many encounters!

Like a planetary revolution, without a miss I do get sick every other year. A fever that lasts for three to four days with one day confined to bed. I have come to take it for granted, something as normal as the rising and setting of the sun.

So I was sick, like I was suppose to be, shivering with fever. A few days of solitary never hurt anything. Not until I received a call, let us call her "Faimini".
Me: "Haa iii!" I answered the phone with a weak Japanese accent and in between pauses.
faimini: "I have been calling you, where are you?" No interest or note to how I sounded.

Me: "I am sick, in bed, apartment!" Explained so I can go back to my rest.
faimini: "I need to see you, right now, where do you live?" As she knows that I move my apartment every other year or so and we haven't seen for ages. I was alone and sick so a little company sounded nice. I verbally directed her the location with a mosque as a landmark and I added "If you are coming, bring me something to eat, I am hungry!"
faimini: "Ok! What do you want?"
Me: "I don't know, a pizza!" I wasn't in a state to think or feel or taste.
faimini: "I am on my way!"

I lost track of time until she called me again "I am in front of the mosque, can't find your place, help!" she did sounded like a lost snail. How can such a simple route be such a huge labyrinth? Anyways I visualized and spoke in a subtle voice, "OK! Facing the mosque main entrance take two left turns, in the corner you will find an orange eight story building, I am in the sixth floor. Take the lift and the right door!" The phone went dead after a hasty OK.

Her arrival was signified with another call "I think I am in front of your door!" I lifted myself with great effort, clothed myself with a shirt and like a mummy slowly walked to the door. As I opened the door like the wind she was in! I took her multi-colored kitten heeled sandal and placed them next to my casual wear teva sport sandal. Locked the door and faced her, "Whaaaatzup?" She smiled and lifted a package. It was rather huge but not a pizza. "So, you got anything to drink?" I pointed at the kitchen and told her "Fridge" She found her way to the kitchen I went back to my room. After so much work, it felt good to be back in bed. I was alive, for I felt the pain in each and every muscle as I slowly lay down. I closed my eyes, and went back to my rest.

"I got you a submarine, I had a bad experience with a pizza when I was sick. This is much better." I opened my eyes to see her sitting next to me on my bed with four part sliced submarine on a dish and a glass of apple juice. I slowly closed and opened my eyes and caught her eyes, it was a sincere look. "I hate to see you weak!" I wanted to correct her, I was not weak I was sick but my mouth was glued with a Jadi like force. Is she nuts, shouldn’t I be weak, I was sick on my bed? I gathered some strength and sat on the bed, took the dish and started eating. I dragged each bit and screwed it to little pieces with pain, as if all my senses were amplified by tenfold. After every other bite I took a sip of the apple juice. After eating I gave her the dish and went back to my rest.

"You don't mind if I crash tonight?" I opened my eyes and gave an approving nod. I was not in the mood to mind even if she brought down the house. I was not living for it. "Come on, you look pathetic, let me help you". She climbed over me, I felt her weight as if it was engulfing me into the bed. Was that how she planned to help me? I wanted to say get off! But instead I tightly closed my eyes and grinned my teeth to absorb the pain. She lightly kissed me. My spider senses woke up, opened my eyes and I show her on top of me with a smirk. The room was dim so her figure lack details. I was afraid to close my eyes, I was afraid of the figure right in front of me. As her face approached me, I opened my mouth to say no, she placed one finger on my lips and whispered "shhh". I had to obeyed for I was weak and she was on top of me. She kissed me again, but all I felt was warm air from my mouth and nose. One part of me wanted to say no the other loved it. One part was wrong, which I don’t know. I took her shoulder with great effort and I pulled her up. "Hey, I love her" she smiled and said "Then let this be warm-up!"

She overpowered me and placed my hands over my head on the pillow. She was right, I was pathetic. She kissed me and this time I closed my eyes and gave in, for I liked it and I thought I needed it. She broke the kiss in mid high and said "Don't worry this will make you feel better." I kept my eyes closed and I felt a twinge as she let go of my hands.

One second she was on me the other she was out, I had no idea what she was doing, for I did not care. Then suddenly I felt a huge pull when she tore opened my shirt. I wanted to cry with pain but there was no voice. I felt her touch on my chest heavy and sentient. She instructed to "Relax". How can I relax? Don't she know I was in deep pain? Only if I can tell her, but how? So I endured it. It was a brutal torture, a punishment. What have I done to deserve such a harassment?

After several minutes of her bodywork knead therapy, the pain started oozing. Was I getting used to it or was I getting better? Then it hit me, I felt half of my strength back. With this new found energy I opened my eyes and for the first time I show her hair. It was black, long, rather silky, loosely hung over her chest, covering her ears, cheek, neck and shoulder bone. She had undone herself to her jeans. Her face had a rather long forehead and I always adored her small pointed nose and full lips.

I couldn’t help but stare! When we caught our eyes she slowly laid on me for a hug. Maybe she was shy or maybe she needed some affection, I was too confused to know. I hugged back tightly and like an ease of urine buildup I felt a bitter coziness. We stayed motionless for a hour or so, as I was drifting to a mild sleep until her phone rang! She looked at it and turned it off. Then kissed me and it all started again. This time I relished it as a bliss and I clearly communicated it. Than she slowly took her hands below my danger zone to unbutton my short, I stopped her. I looked at her eyes and wiggled my head. I pulled her back, hugged her and whispered "No!"

With the new found energy, I slowly guided her to a side of the bed. "So u want to crash in?" I continued while getting up. I handed over a t-shirt and a short from my wardrobe and told her "You better get comfy" with a wink. She got up and went to bathroom to change. Sure, half of me was back, enough to feel mind-blowing. What did she just do? Whatever! Thanks to her, there was no fever, no shivering and she restored my might and vigor.

I felt like watching a movie, after consulting my inner feelings I settled down to, 'Under the Tuscan Sun'. I have watched this zillion times and never seems to get bored of it. Few movies match as the experiences of an American lady who moved to Italy, Tuscany and bought a farmhouse in an attempt to restore it. Nothing fancy about the plot but watching this movie, I become invigorated with desire to run away to Tuscany. Maybe it is only me, I don't know! A perfect movie to make me at ease, a story of connecting with people, the small towns, the robust food and the small joys of natural beauty of day-to-day life. Without kidding, this definitely is a movie for the matured.

I was swapped into the movie when she came from behind and passionately clinched. I took her hand turned her around from a sideway and made her sit in front of me. "You must watch this, you will love it." I hugged her from behind and briefed the movie plot. I was right, she loved it.

She smelled so good, I was forced to look at her exposed long and fair neck. I have an obsession to smell, those silky smooth skin tempted me so much that against all resistant, objections and protest I did it. I smelled her neck and lightly kissed them. However, now she was too caught up in the movie. I had to respect.

I told her "This is my favorite line". Frances explaining her situation to Martini says "Surprising thing about divorce is that it does not kill you. It should. When someone who promises to cherish you till death do us apart and then says I never loved you. It should kill you instantly! " In response Martini says "L'amore e cieco." (Love is blind). She turned around and kissed me so hard that I fell back to the bed. All I can say is starting from there the scent and the sweat really made it a wild night. All praises goes to how well nature had created her.

It was a rough night, I woke up first and hit the shower. I screamed "Ouch" as the hot water hit the bruises on my saved head. I examined my body to find bite marks on my neck, shoulder and arms. Long nail cuts all over my back. Have I wrestled a tiger? How did I tamed her? I can hardly recall the Roman Gladiator dream. I woke her up and went to make some breakfast. She came to the kitchen dressed and fresh. Before I can say anything she softly kissed on the cheek and said "Goodbye." Shouldn’t it be Good Morning? I was stoned and speechless as she left the apartment!

What the hell happened? Curiosity was pricking me until I called her in the afternoon, she did not pick. I called her again that night, no answer. I SMSed her "wht th hell happnd lnite?" I got a reply "I had a fight with bf n broke up! goodbye" Damn, she used me, she used a helpless sick man like a piece of meat for her entertainment. I hurried to check my Audio CD albums and picked one, and passionately played track 8, Enrique Iglesias, "One Night Stand!"

Though we don’t communicate, we are friends. Faimini is now married and lives happily with someone, somewhere! A faimini like her is definitely worth many encounters! Anyways moral of the story: Wild sex comes to those who don’t want it and wait (sick in bed!) :)

Now I know how love really feel like!

What love really feel like, for me! Enjoy!

Maale is a filthy place, it is a hell, corrupted people living a corrupted life with nothing but money and sex ruling their world and mind. If you do not agree with me then you are among the few who can be safely regarded as retarded or deceived by a photocopy paper hanging in a dampen wall in the name of honor by the beloved, oh so holy. A slave, living a sucked life in a sucked place with a sucked government, both the pulling and bamboozle type, it simply sucks. To survive in hell you have to buckle up, play the game, be a winner, deceive more than being deceived. The ever so high rent, the non paying clients, the back biting friends, the useless family, have forced and shaped me as a hard headed survivor.

Yes, I was part of it, part of the system but one of the lucky ones, one man survivor, a fighter, a brave warrior.

So lucky that I have learn to lie like the truth, every friend, client and family member have heard it, bought it, lived in it, liked it and enjoyed! Sex was mind blowing and money was good! Like the crowd I owe but one third the amount people owe me, enough reasons to have a good nights sleep. A life with my own office, my employees, my friends, and my girls. Yes, I say when I am single I date with many, truth is, I have no emotions, I feel none, I feel numb with a frozen heart. So deadened that it takes months and months, to even feel any kind of affection or attachment toward anyone to call it "I like you". So far drowned into the mess, that I have made it a policy in my life, when I am single I date with as many girls as possible, when I commit I say I am loyal. The way of a successful man, how touchy and amorous!

So I was dating, to be exact, with four girls, nothing new and exclusive but just friendly dates that might end up anywhere! Practically anywhere! Even in hell you can try to practice honesty. So dating was one area I decided to play candid. Each date knew, how I took matters of love, let me call it emotional but not emotional. So my dating calendar was filled with Fathun, Faz, Sher and Liz, as time and interest allowed me to. So life was cold but cool, taciturn but garrulous, fun but meaningless, pleasurable but disagreeable, satisfying but insufficient, fulfilling but egocentric. More or less, alive and kicking.

Six months have passed, four dates, business commitments and self interest was all that my life had to offer. Life was fun, but it had no romance, no meanings, who give a damn about those anyway? Dating was too time consuming and maybe I needed to decide but I wasn't sure or ready, I call it waiting for a sign!

It was a Thursday evening, Liz called, "So what are you doing tonight?"
I replied "I have lot of work, I need to submit this report early next week, I guess I will be working all night!"
Then she said "OK, is it alright if I go to an office function held in Youth Centre?"
I replied in a playful way "Why are you acting like my girl friend, go anywhere you want!"
Then she said "Ok, good night!"
I said "Have fun!" and hung up the phone and continued with my work.
I did not know how long I was in my office, busy compiling a plan that will have a life long impact to the future of my country. Until when Faz called around 11 pm.
"Hei, where are you?"
I said "I am in my office, working!"
She said "Can you drop me home?"
I said "Well, I don't intend to go out until I finish this paper!"
She said "How long will it take?"
I said "Another hour or two, if people stop bothering me!"

She was kind of a sweet girl, innocent, ultra sexy and always charged. Short but not odd in a crowd. A fair skinned, cute face, well managed hair, and an exceptionally sexy looking butt, that always guided my blood flow. I haven't given her any time for two weeks, so I added "Why don't you come over, you can wait until I finish and I will drop you home! Or you can go home in a Taxi, I will pay!"
She said "No need to pay, I will be there in a minute!"

Since her office was few minutes of working distance from mine and given the time she will need to pass the nationally treasured fortress security gates, I calculated fifteen minutes of additional work. I was soaked in my work when she again rang me, "It is locked!"

Yes, I forgot to mention, in this hell burglary is at rise, the child steals from mum, the friend steal from your business and the thieves are let free to roam. So I keep the doors locked, a pathetic attempt to be cautious.

I told her "I am coming down, hang on!"
I hurried downstairs to the ground floor, opened the door and led her in. I locked again and hurried back to my office. As we got in, I switched on another computer and told her to help herself. I can barely see her soft and silky hair from a side of the computer screen. The room was filled with complete silence except for the constant rhythmic strokes on the computer keyboard! The time was ticking faster than I thought, it was already 12:30, when I realized of another existence in my office.

"Hei! What are you doing, anything interesting?"
She took note of the bounciness in my voice and said in a playful tone "I am going through all your business stuff!"
I told her, "That will cost you big time, be ready to pay!"
She smiled and asked "So you done?"
I wanted to say I needed more time, but decided to take a break and come back to it after dropping her home.
So I told her "Let's go!"
She got up and came to me. "So soon!" and gave a smile.
I turned my chair toward her, as usual, as she came close to me! She set on my laps face to face! I looked at her eyes, caressing those smooth hands and asked her "Do you think you can help me get that project?"

She was silent and started unbuttoning my shirt! We have done this numerous times but that night I felt strange, strange like, I don’t want to do it. Strange like shit strange, I felt nothing! Her touch was like disgusting, disgusting like as if I was about to do something evil. What in the name of devil has something so pleasurable turn to nothing? As she approached to kiss, not to disappoint her, I hugged her close! With my shirt exposed, I still felt nothing! I was thinking what the heck was wrong with me. She would have felt real bad if I led her down, so I kept the hug, but I felt utterly sordid.

I couldn't hold on, so I broke the hug and told her "I am really tired tonight, and so let us do this some other time!" She stared at me, stoned in my laps! So I slowly helped her up, out of my chair and started buttoning my shirt. I hurried and said in a blank "Lets go!"

I dropped her home and went for a ride, I needed to absorb what just happened. Than I recalled, I was thinking of Liz, I was wanting Liz, I was feeling Liz and that hit me like a bolt of lightening.

Liz was a new comer. We met on the internet, chatted on MSN for nearly six months before we met physically. Our dates were exciting and intriguing! For most part with Liz I was able to have decent conversations, she wasn't a typical "dumbo!" She have her views and she could seam into any conversation that we end up talking, it was fun and challenging. Sure we had our interests and differences but it was all there to keep it moving and to make it more interesting. I was thinking of our last date, a sofa date at her place, it was classy, fun, touchy and smelly!

I needed to test myself, so I called Fathun the following day and set a date, at her place! We were like close friends, but dating. All her family and friends knew me and I was pretty close to her mum too! If I am to describe her I will say she was the bosom of my dating world number 8.25! Apart from that and our unique porno video produced by her and an extra episode of weird positions, she was a simple girl. She was into IT so whenever we are lost for words in the middle of a make out, it was safe to turn to the topic of computer viruses.

I dropped by her home around 9:30 pm, she was alone in her room flat on her stomach on her bed and playing with her laptop. So I worked in and set in the mini sofa in her room. "So whatz up?" She looked at me, smiled and went back to typing. After a while she flip closed the laptop and addressed me "So what do you want to talk about?" I did not know where to start or why I was there. It felt like a prison, were you believe you are innocent, so you don’t know why the hell you are in there the first place and always looking for an escape. I stood up, turned the volume of her stereo to dampen the Bob Dylan tunes in the background. Slowly I walked to her bed and set next to her!

As she came and hug me from behind I told her "I think I am in love!" She was a smart girl and knew it was not her, perhaps she was expecting that, but it was irrelevant, I needed to clear things up. She distanced from me, so I drew my hand to touch her to comfort her, she slapped it away. I knew it was my exit, so I stood and walked away, fear of being caught in the middle of the disease of a broken heart. She kept calling me nonstop, so I turned the mobile to silent and to get the shit out of my head wallowed to a movie, one of my favorite "Layer Cake". Damn, the laws of the heart is cruel, it is merciless and vicious. It has no ethics or manners, but deep down inside I knew she was strong with lot of options. All I have learned from my dating life is the more beautiful a girl is, the easier is the exit!

The following day I called Sher, while she was at her office and told her I wanted to meet. To avoid the drama with Fathun I decided to meet her in public. So we met in West Park! She was fair, skinny and a happy go lucky type with no worries in the world. The last time we met I suppose she mistook me for her dad and spat at me for not giving enough attention and spoiling her! Yes, I was guilty!

"You look different, what is wrong?" and she gave a nudge. I was thinking of a way to tell her that my heart and my dick is not obeying me! Such a difficult thing to be put down in words, I am not attracted to her.

So I told her straight forward "I think I am in love with someone else!"
She set there motionless and after several minutes, she spoke with tears in her eyes, "I don't know about that, but I want you!"
I tried to reason with her "There are millions of people in this world, you will find someone special, special than me!" That was my pathetic attempt to persuade her, that things change, I have changed.
"What do you want me to do, I will do anything?" That was a scary line as I knew she meant it.
"It is not about you, it is me!" I guess heart has reasons that reason do not know. I cut all the conversations short, since she was not interested in her drink, I paid and dropped her home. I still remember that last look on her face! Maybe she was testing me, or maybe she wanted to cut the deal! I hope she forget me, hate me, disregard me and ignore me for the rest of her life. It is not worth to burden responsibilities to anything other than what is worth! Will she ever understand?

As for Liz, I found out that I was only good at dating and a sucker at relationships! I don't remember myself missing her, but I still do miss the feelings that I had for her. I believe in that a man should always live by the decisions that he make in his life. The way of the warrior! I learned a lot from that relationship, she deserves better and I wish she get it, some day and everyday!

I broke my heart so I feel no pain and now I know how love really feel like!

The worst date of my life...

An unforgotten moment of my past, enjoy!

May it be creepy or fun, few dates are so remarkable as to be remembered. I as a fan of weirdness, when it comes to think of it, the worse date of my life seems to be still cemented and carved in my memory. So today is the day I will let it out from my head to this piece of paper. For reasons of privacy and respect, identities will be kept in total discretion.

It was 2040 at night, I looked up the sky as I stepped out on the road, a habit that I have formed that helps me appreciate the wonders it hold, the stars, the planets and the galaxies. It was a clear night, with tiny dots dominating the clear sky, a night like most nights in the capital city, Maale. I felt like dawdling at the largest shopping centre, Majeedheemagu. So I was out shopping, not really sure on what to buy or if to buy. To start with I was not sure what I was looking for, just hoping from shop to shop, glancing on what they have to offer that might interest me.

After a long hour or so my phone began to ring, that familiar tone which I haven't considered changing, as it was the only tone that challenged my sleep.

I flip opened the phone to address the excited and intimate voice along with loud background music with bits and pieces of unrelated half conversations. She asked, "Aren't you coming?" I paused to think, where I was suppose to be. I have forgotten about the wedding reception of one of my close friend. I wanted to ask her what time it was but not to hurt her inner feelings and not to give any ideas on how neglectful I was, in a busy attitude I replied "I am on my way!" It was 2150, still enough time to make it to the wedding.

I hurried to my bike which was a minutes of walking distance, I have to get her a gift. I stopped at "Gift Corner". In the nick of time I decided on a burner, some candles and her favorite fragrance oil, Lavender. Just for experimentation I added few more oil bottles of rosemary, lemon and moonflower. Knowing she had a weakness for aroma I wanted her to really enjoy the night. I rushed to the counter and asked her if they have some red wrappings. I had two choices, one with pooh bears and another plain. I told her "I prefer the plain one!" As she stuffed the burner, the little candles and oil bottles so skillfully as she must have done perhaps hundreds of times, twisting and turning the box, I couldn't help noticing a name written on her palm. I suggested in a playful tone, "You must be crazy in love with the guy on your palm?" She was as I thought, shy. She looked up at me and couldn't help the smile with that look of not knowing what to say. So I gave her some space and wandered from rack to rack waiting for her to finish the wrapping. After paying, I took a note of what I was wearing, I have to make myself better presentable.

I rushed back to my apartment, hurried through the stairs, threw the gift on my bed and took a quick 5 minute shower. All thanks to my shaved head I was ready with a white irregular blue striped shirt and a black trouser within 15 minutes.

I parked my bike in a nearby road and walked my way in. There she stood with the man she decided to live for the rest of her life. I have to agree she looked gorgeous, a white wedding dress, with erratic curved laces, exposing those fair and smooth skinned hands and shoulder blades with a spaghetti strap, on her neck a white necklace of some kind of mini pearls and a tiara decorated with miniature natural flowers. She have pickled her eye brows to a neat S shape with sharp ends and her lips always look rosier in red. I knew she was delighted to see me the moment we caught our eyes, the usual prominent welcoming and wide smile. I handed over the gift to two little kids nearby dressed just like the bride.

I looked into the eyes and stretched my right hand towards the groom for a handshake and opened my usual canned line, "Congrats, and wish you success and happiness!" He smiled and replied "Thanks!" A tall guy, may be five or six inches taller than me, with curly hair. We sure have met on few occasions, he too looked smarter than usual in a white shirt, black tie, a black trouser and black shiny shoes. Some how I did not like the belt, it was black lather with a crocodile design on it. What is with the crocodile, dude?

I turned to the bride, for a handshake, smiled and said "I am hungry!", with one hand gently touching my stomach. "First lets take a photo?" This is the worse part, I hate taking my photo in public places. However, it was a day to be remembered so I slowly glided next to her and smiled at the camera men before he flashed.

While I was walking in to join the crowd, I looked around to see if there was someone I knew. The atmosphere was loud with everyone in their own conversations or dealing with their chosen meal. I couldn’t help myself but turn my glare at a glamorous looking girl with a halter-necked black dress. She was dressed in plain black and was so attractive. Maybe her black high heels were delusional but definitely she was rather tall. In a wedding when I see a girl dressed in total black it always translate as "I am not having enough sex!", so I had to take a closer look. She too was going for the main course, I guess it was my lucky day.

I walked calmly and stood next to her. I took a dish and glared at the varieties of food on the table to take a note on how I felt, imagining those inside my mouth. A ritual I always carry out that help me decide on what to eat. Within seconds, as she was next to me, I smelled a fragrance that was alien to me. Next to her she had a female friend, so I thought of a way of getting her attention. Bluntly I said "Is that hair real?" She had long dark silky smooth black hair covering her unusually fair shoulder and neck. She turned with a surprised look and didn’t know what to say. I continued with a playful smile "How long does it take to iron your hair?" She couldn’t help but smile and I thought to myself "At least she have a sense of humor!" Her friend started talking, so she turned to her.

It was time to get busy and enjoy the meal, I decided on spaghetti, with two varieties of source with a lot of vegetable salads and a portion of a fish in some kind of a source. I prefer less crowded when it comes to eating at weddings, so I took a place with the most empty seats. As I was just about to dive into my meal, I caught my attention to the black dressed girl, she was seated right in front of me. As we caught our eyes I couldn’t help but raise my eye brows, a bad habit. Her friend was constantly nagging her so I thought it wouldn't be polite to invade. After a couple of minutes I just could not help but ask "So you two have a name?" Her friend answered while introducing each others name. I turned to my dish and continues eating while linking her face with her name in my memory!

As I was just about to speak, I was interrupted by the bridge. She was standing right next to us and said in a teasing and demanding way, "What you doing with my sister?" She never told me that she had a pretty sister so it was a pleasant surprised. I said "I didn’t know you had a sister, I think she is cute!" Cute wasn't the exact word that I wanted to say, but given the situation it was the best that I could do. She added "Yes! It's been a couple of weeks since she is back, actually she came for the wedding!" She turned to the black dress girl and in a playful tone said "Be careful with this guy!" and headed back to her stand to greet some new guests.

She was a slow eater so as her friend went to get some dessert, leaving her at my mercy, I shifted right next to her and whispered "So do you have a mobile?" Maybe I was too direct, she looked at me shocked with no reply but smiling. I added "Don’t worry about what your sister said, she don’t mean it, I am 100 percent safe!" She smiled, told her number and it was the first time she spoke. I said "I will call you!" and concluded with a handshake. I enjoyed by desert and hurried back home.

If not for her sister's (bride) call, after two days, I would have completely forgotten the incident. "Thanks for the Lavender!" she opened the conversation. I replied "I hope you liked it!" She said "You bet I did! As usual!". I replied "Hmm.. As usual ha? I thought it would be better. Anyways, where does your sister work?" She was surprised I remembered her and said "Are you hitting on her? Don't dare to spoil her!" I said "No! I just think she is interesting and we could be friends!" Now she is usually not like that, but maybe she loved her a lot to become the protective sister. Anyways she finished saying "It is ok, I was messing with you. Actually I called, because she asked me about you! And I thought you wanted to know that! Call you later, bye!" The phone went dead.

I had to call her, so I dialed her mobile and it kept ringing with no answer. I thought to myself either she was busy or she don’t pick strangers calls. So I send a SMS saying "Im the 1 ur sis warn u abt in da party, call me!" After a short while she called from her room. She said "Hi!", I said the usual opening question "So how are you?" She said "Fine!" Since I was busy getting ready for a meeting in half an hour I had to conclude it fast, "So tell me, are you brave enough to go out with me?" I did sensed her smiling when she replied "Sure". So I said, "I am in a hurry but will pick you at 2030 this Thursday night! Your place and dress nice!" She might have sensed my hastiness as she said "OK! See you!" And the phone went dead.

It was Thursday night, as usual I did not had any expectations. I am always casual in my dates and so I was wearing a gray t-shirt that hung loosely over a faded light blue jeans. I knew it was not the most romantic color and outfit, as it is said that gray is the dullest and the most unattractive color in this world. A bad start, maybe, but I had my personality to carry along with me. I called her 20 minutes to 2030 to confirm and she said "I am waiting..." Good enough for me. I replied "Be there in 20 minutes! Bye!"

She was waiting at the door, I stopped next to her with a smile and a raise eyebrow. The first thing that came from her mouth with a frustrated look was, "I am not getting on that bike!" I was on my LA Custom, personally modified for my taste. Sure it was a bad start. I have zero tolerance for drama, so I said "OK! I am off!" and I rode off. Within seconds I was nearly 10 feet away from her when my conscious told me, "Bro, you don’t have a backup plan, I need some fun tonight, don’t spoil it!". So I parked right away, stepped out of my bike and looked back. She was standing there staring at me like if she wanted to take back what she just said. I slowly in my usual steps walked toward her and told her "OK! Madam! Lets walk!" and I started walking. Whenever I need to sink seriously in my thinking hat I always take a walk, so I was rather used to it but I knew she was not the type who was used to walking around. She slowly followed and came next to me. We walked without any conversation for about a minute or so and she asked "So, where are we going?" I told her "Don't worry I know where I am going!" Actually I had no idea where I was going, I was rather pissed off, but I got to go somewhere! After walking from road to road without even looking at each other my conscious came to the rescue, "Hey man, get hold of yourself, don’t spoil it, give me some fun tonight". I finally looked at her, from top to bottom, she was wearing a red dress with a sash wrapped elegantly around her torso. Her lips were painted red and fully. She was rather pale, thin, statuesque. She definitely was dressed well for me.

I looked at her, she was taller than me. So I looked down on those high heels and told her "If not for those high heels, you will be shorter than me" and gave a serious look, she said "No way! You are really short!" I smiled back at her and told her "Too bad for you, if not for that I would have asked to marry me by now!" She smiled back at me indicating she got the joke and it felt good to be back.

I gave another look at her, a complete up and down look and gave a sly smile. She was rather blushed and said "What?" I smiled again and said "You have really dressed well tonight, but I think you are one lazy girl!" She smile for a few second until she heard the last part of the sentence. "Lazy?" I added "Yes, look at those toe nails, you haven't trimmed them for ages!" She got a little nervous, shyly punched on my biceps and said "Come on! I am not lazy!" From there on she kept on telling me about all those beauty lessons that she had taken and that she wanted to be a part time beautician in a saloon. After each story, I ended it with, "Lazy, you? I don’t believe it!" and smiled.

We must have walked for a mile and I can feel her feet hurting. I thought this is enough punishment for all the drama, and it was time to land. So we ended up in 'dinemore', there wasn't much on the menu so we ordered a hot chocolate and a mixed submarine for both. That was the first time I looked straight in her eyes, innocent eyes but full of passion. I asked her about all her dreams and what she wanted to be. I read her face and gave a cold reading, most of which always come true. However, looking at her face it was rather difficult to guess her age so I asked her "How old are you?" She looked at me and said "Nineteen". No way, how could she be so young, I told her straight away "I think you are way too young to handle me!" and smiled.

We were then interrupted, by our order. I always find it difficult to get into a stimulating conversation while I am enjoying a snack. So we kept silent for a minute or two. Then suddenly with a serious look on her face she asked me "Tell me something!" Since I was still enjoying the last bit of the submarine, I looked at her and raised by eyebrow indicating to throw it. She asked, "What is with you and my sister?" I swallowed the chunk in my mouth, took a long sip from my drink and looked up at her, smiled and said "What do you want to know, we are friends!" With the same serious look she continued "Did you sleep with her?" I couldn't believe she just asked that, she was really serious. As usual I wanted to play around a bit so I said "If I say yes, is that a problem with you?" She got so nervous and with a frustrating look said in a loud voice, "What?" I kept silent with a sly smile. Then she told me "I am going home!"

She got up and started walking, I shouted in a low voice, "Hey wait!", she was on her way out. I told to myself, "Damn, I can't let a 19 year old go home alone at this hour, she trusted me to walk a mile, I can still make it". I ran to the counter, dropped 150 bucks and told the counter girl to keep the change and hurried to catch her. She was waiting on the payment, I went close to her. She was in tears and told me, "I don’t want to talk to you..." Ok I will have to respect that, I waved, stopped a cab and told her "At least let me drop you home!" I opened the door and she went in. I set in front and instructed the driver. There was complete silence for the entire trip and when the car parked next to her home, before I can pay, she was out of the car. I stepped out and was thinking should I confront her or not.

My conscious told me again, "Man, turn this around or else this will be one of those bad dates. You have never closed a date without a kiss or a hug!" I got some confidence looking at my past and so I opened the front door of her home and went in. She was just about to get into her room, I called her "Hey!" She looked at me in such a furious and hatred in her eyes, I told myself "I am not touching that thing, ever!" and concluded "Yes! This is a bad date! I screwed it!"

After a couple of days we met on msn messenger and she wrote "Nobody ever made me walk that far, there is something about you that I like a lot..." I interrupted her and wrote "wow, wait a minute! Lets just be friends!" So we are friends now but some times I still wonder, what really went wrong?

All girls in my life were crazy...

My mum filled me in several times her worries of not having my genes officially reproduced to a grandchild. Her main concerns are that my last few days breaths will be lonely with a shroud to disguise my eaten up youth or I will die suddenly in an executive chair in front of my Mac in my office!

All my female friends are convinced that I need a girl in my life for "nurturing" me. Some even did go to the extend of asking me if I regret breaking up with any. I remind them that I will live for 120 years and it takes only 20 years to bring up a child and that I am not interested in bringing half-retarded mongoloid spawns.

However, I do have great concerns for my mums worries. I know my mum loves me in ways that I will never understand, the mothers love, for I was inside her for nine months. I hope one day she will use that connection we have, feel and know the reason why I am single...

The fact that I am single today can only mean one thing, all my relationships were screwed up! So today I agree as far as relationships are concerned, "I am stupid or all girls in my life were crazy..."

Are your thoughts and words honored?

Are you a leader! More importantly are you credible? It is funny that it is the only way for your thoughts and words to have any significant meanings to others! More often your reputation always has to precede you! Humans! However, with such power as credibility you need nothing to prove. Your rationalities will never be questioned, whether you are commenting on the dress code or questioning the commands of God. However, even the most powerful and credible of all are wrong to assume that they have nothing to learn. So I believe, we all must be ready to consolidate our resources and channel our experiences in bestowing our share of wisdom to this world! May it be to protect a legacy or to pursue new meanings. As history have proved from time after time that pen is mightier than the sword. Thus every great nations is ruled by great speeches, and every empire is governed by great visions and hopes. So live up to your needed mastery, mandate or responsibilities and your virtues should be in honoring authority in executing swift decisions. But are your thoughts and words honored?

Friends are a source of far better joy than scheming foes...

In this political climax, gravitating toward those with power and prestige, is inevitable. Being around this power and prestige is energizing, but my humble nature prefer a down to earth look for motivation. Although, associating with the ordinary men do not give the same buzz, but it gives the pleasure of being simple with an affectionate heart! In this life, which is only a lobby to death's vestibule, loyal and dependable friends are a source of far better joy than scheming foes...

I know this means I have to wake up alone!

At times I can't help feeling some people deserving to be loved, more than I definitely want it to be... It is a nice feeling to be desired by someone else, but what if the feeling is not mutual? What if I don't feel the same passion?
At times I know I have being totally unreasonable, but the truth is, I really don't care! I do hope this is not permanent, and putting things to perspective, at the moment I know this means I have to wake up alone!

I rather die a clean death than be dragged into politics!

My ideal president is a man who has complete trust in God and whose speeches deserve respect, not a list of favors. Someone who wants nothing in return for being faithful and trustworthy. When he bring peace and harmony it shall stay. When he tackle problems they will be gone. Someone who don't have to play tricks on people and make others bow to him. Someone who is selfless in the face of disasters.
However, now I see a country where people want to abolish disorder with power and strength. Leaders who plan conspiracies among each other and bribe to buy followers. Give speeches of achievements to feel great and attract loyalty of people. They spend to get more and more. This is nothing but swapping disorder for dictatorship.
I wish for a president who do not neglect his duties in times of prosperity. A president who is careful about survival at times of misfortune.
Seeing all this current political drama, how dirty all these games have become, how morality has diminished, I rather die a clean death than be dragged into politics...

What kind of a lover are you?

I have come to know that love is an emotional attachment related with love making, care taking and in the long-run offspring. In most cases this emotional attachment do have compromises. This is the main reason why it does not last for a life time.

As far as I know when it comes to love there are three places where you can stand. First you can be co-depended, practically sucking on emotional energy from one another or most of the time one directional where the weaker feeds on the stronger until it gets a hell of a bored house. Second, you can be independent, this is where you stay single and mess around. This is advised only for the strong at heart with a sense of purpose. Third is interdependent, where people have their own individual life with self-interest, separate circle of friends and family, at the same time enjoying a life together with their lover, with separate experiences and stories to share...

So what kind of a lover are you?

Don't touch me and I can't hear you, I have got things to do!

I feel quite stable and secure right now!!! I never had any need to tether anyone! Nature decided to present today this free-spirited and spontaneous princess, on such a day? When all I want is some free time of my own! Your free to babble and flounder, but don't touch me and I can't hear you, I have got things to do!

Let the bygones be bygones!

I am not in the mood to yak, so I will say it as plain as simple as possible. If I remember correctly I have told this 314 times but I will say it again. 315th time's the charm, "I am not attracted to you!" But would welcome a platonic friendship! If we had anything, that was purely lust, so cut the emo-core and let the bygones be bygones!

So what is the use in any should, could or would...

Do you really think you can take me down? If you are in a hurry for your comeuppance, I will not stop it, but I am a gentleman... I know, it looks like a graceless thing to say and do, but it is what I believe in! I am happy to reject the sure thing and go for my way! So what is the use in any should, could or would...

How do you decide if your girl is a keeper?

I am content and self-satisfied! Trying hard not to smug, but I enjoy this outfit. Wearing the same attire for too long creates wrinkles -- in the wrong places...
So how do you decide if a girl is a keeper? Well! When it comes to a relationship, stability is as important as passion. While romance at first do make people look enticing, loyalty demeanor is what makes them a keeper!

I have feelings for her no more than a dear friend...

I am trying to hide from someone, well, I just can't face emotions... Especially when I know I have a part involvement in it and the cause of it! I wish I can run like the wind, and avoid her at all costs! Truth is when we catch eyes, there is no telling right or wrong! There are no secrets and I hate to say I have feelings for her no more than a dear friend...

Master my arts, mandates and responsibilities...

The days of battles with swords and amour is over! But the drill is the same! It all comes down to credibility! To achieve a commanding reputation that precedes me! In a seat as powerful as such, there shall be nothing more to prove... However, somethings never change, there is always something new to learn and teach... A constant swim in the everlasting river of knowledge and wisdom... So it is time to consolidate my resources and channel my experiences in preparation for the game, protect a legacy and pursue new meanings...
In architecting this purpose, so far pen has been mightier than the sword. Days ahead are to master my arts, mandates and responsibilities in the battle field.

If you are too innocent to live in my world, be warned!

I am tired of being the person everyone looks for meticulousness, precision and flexibility... Being diligent and dutiful is fun, only to some extend... All work and no play makes jack the dull boy... So it is time for unadulterated joy... I can feel it! I know with a tiny bit of effort from my part I can forge my wildest dreams... But the hard part is I got to stand and do it... Well, for all its worth, I am craving for action, adrenaline and lot of challenges... So if you are not up for it, too innocent to live in my world, be warned...

Say what you want, only if you mean it

Dreams do come true, but sitting waiting for them is not the way... Sharing it with sympathetic friends don't help either... It is a day for long-cherished fantasy to open its gates... So right now continue being busy is the only option... Wishes and intentions are far better left in our imaginations, for words are not enough to express them, eyes to see them and brains to understand them... Say what you want, only if you mean it...

I like to demand it, but I rather earn it...

What is it with me? When I am not suppose to do it, not to like it, and even to think about it, I am out to do it... The worst is, I am enjoying it... Now don't ask me what, though we can speak our minds out I rather stay reticence! So I am out to do it, and sure to myself, will take down anyone and anything that comes between me and my wants... But its going to be a long ride, I like to demand it, but I rather earn it...

A day for near success and to just do it...

I know I am not acting normal today, why should I? I am loving every moment of this! So what am I up to? Well, I am in tune with my inner child and it is simply stupendous!

You can pretend as much as you want, in helping me! But I feel your selfishness right through you! I know you feel you deserve more than me, what if it is all for my benefits? Do I care! Well, I can see all your efforts will eventually add up to my bag of tricks!

So what does make us productive and efficient? It is just resigning yourself to the task at hand for work is a part of your blood and so aim at leaving your marks in the details! A day for near success and to just do it...

I am holding my breath

I have been thinking... Why? Well tonight, I have nowhere to go, but it's time to call it a day. But why this feeling of wanting? Well, lets trust the natural flow, something always turns up. In the same note, I kind of know what is coming... Restraining myself is always harder, but it is definitely easier than the apologies that I have to make when I let it fly. So I am holding my breath...

If you can't understand this, just get out of my life...

Today is filled with detours and roadblocks! Nothing seems to be moving to its plan. Technical error, trust issues, inevitable favor requests, busy phones and I-will-get-back-to-you speeches. Even a giant as Microsoft choose today to cancel an order due to a `system error`! This is nothing casual, lighthearted or fleeting but a rather difficult mood I comes to enjoy... Most of the time when it is work there is only one person I can depend on who have never let me down and that is: me!
Let us not make this hurdle a big deal, some times this is inevitable. So today think of the free run when I pass the hurdle...
So my dear loved ones, understand me, I have many masters and mistresses to please - with very little sleep! And if you can't understand that, just get out of my life...

Smoking tips!

If you smoke you better know some tricks and do it in style! These are tried and tested smoking tips based on my experience. A good part of my life do depend on smoking. Tobacco smoking is the only luxury that I have tried in this world that can make you feel relaxed or stimulate you for a hard days work depending on the way you smoke. One product but two different effects based on how you take it in. A gift of nature... The best thing about smoking is fast results, it takes 7 seconds for your brain to feel the effect, that is fast enough to change your moods. Imagine a 7 sec car, isn't that cool! However, these tricks only work for inhalers!

So you want to get relaxed and enjoy a peaceful moment, just inhale the smoke slowly, like within 5 second long with 5 second intervals. Feel the smoke passing into your lungs in slow and deep takes. Never hold the smoke in, but take it like when you are taking deep breaths of 5 seconds. If you did this correctly you will be able exhale the smoke to a rather long distance, around a feet or two! Depending on how deep your breath is. Now get yourself relaxed lazily!

There are lot of times when your energy is down and you need some pushing to get back to work. Smoke can help you here. The trick is quick intakes! Just take the smoke in and out of your lungs within 1-2 seconds with 2-5 second intervals. Your breaths should be natural, no forcing, if you did this correctly the smoke will spread out of you in a cloud. First you will feel a tinkling feeling all over your body starting from your head, by the time the feeling is over, you will be alert and charged with that extra energy you needed to get back to work. The effect for me last for over an hour! By that time I am ready for another go! However, for this to sustain never take more than 2 smokes in one turn. Somehow for me more than 2 reduce the the effect to pure laziness. Be ware, this kills your appetite and sleep, so feel it or not take some time to eat and rest before your body force it! Now get yourself charged with 2 smokes.

Leave me alone...

I am not happy. It is just me, not you, her or them. It is just that right now I am not happy with me... I could do and be a lot better... This feeling is only mine, so don't try to understand me. When I get happy with me, I will be lovable again... So your free to do what you wanna do and leave me alone...

I love my religion!

Just recalled a conversation I had with a Kenyan friend on a coffee break, back in Moscow.
He: "He dude, girls here rock!"
Me: "It doesn't impress me much!"
He: "Don't tell me your drunk!"
Me: "Well, there comes a point when you had enough of something you just don't find it that impressive, let's say I have had my share of girls from this world!!"
He: "Come on man, are you serious?"
Me: "Ever had four girl friends at the same time, with their consent?"
He: "Sound like a dream, have you?"
Me: "Well, I don't know about anyone else, but as for me I need varieties? You can take the animal away from the jungle, but not the jungle from him?"
He: "I agree but how the hell do you do that?"
Me: "I am a Muslim!"
He: "Damn, right, you guys can have four!"
Me: "I love my religion!"

Goodbye!

I hate ego! Yes I hate it... It is not worth it... Some say you can't live without it! It is just plain bullshit... Have you ever tried it? I know many will never understand this even in a life time...
In the quest of many, no matter how much of a party animal the girl you are with is, in the end one just have to fall... I know some try hard to evade, but when you feel it, you just feel it. There is no stopping it and what is the use of denying... After screwing around, one just have to end up in love... Too bad it is never me! It is like the same story again and again, with different actors... How boring can that be?
So this is it, I have had enough... This is pathetic, can't see any light at the end of the tunnel just some lonely hearts... I can't pretend something I don't feel... So I rather be happy in my own skin and I don't want to be labelled as a stone-hearted either!
So no screwing around form now on! Yes, you heard me right and it is me saying it... Stop! Period! Well, the leaf do not desert the tree, it just let itself be carried away by the wind... Goodbye!

Self hypnotize with a stupid idea along with proper rest

In everyday life we categorize people as smart and not so smart, the energetic and lazy, the expert and the newbie. However all I have learned so far is that success does not depend on any of these categorizations. Success is not genetics, success is an attitude that depends on how much passion you have to stay at heart and prioritize what you want to achieve in life.
So how can one stay focused? It depends on what you want to achieve. I sleep every other day, reason? I want to stay competitive in life and less sleep gives me a competitive advantage. However, there is a catch to this! This only works for repetitive daily routine works. Right now, I am learning a new computer language along with designing and coding like hell for a huge project. Without sleep I CAN'T even focus and collect my thoughts for new ideas for 30 minutes, I get lost in blankness. However, after 10 hours of sleep I wake up jolly with fresh new ideas. So if you want to learn something new or think logically for hours, you have to get enough sleep! Coffee and smoke did not help.
Next you need to believe in yourself and stop categorizing. Things in life are suppose to be hard but simple when you get it. Just because something is hard does not mean that you are slow. I still remember the time when I spend hours and filled half of a 100 page log book to solve one 'mechanic' problem. Thinking back it was hell of a ride, but the conquest was worth it, as after that lock-break everything else became so easy! So if you ever categorize yourself into the social-cause you have lost the passion and heart in what you are doing! If so you are bound to fail!
So when things are hard never categorize yourself and your not slow. Some times some things in life are hard and if you still wants to break the lock, keep going. As far as learning and new ideas are concerned, success do follow when you self hypnotize yourself with this stupid idea along with proper rest.

Never fly again...

Restraining myself is always hard, something I just not so good at. When the time calls for a call, I just have to make it and feel it! However, the most difficult of all tasks is to apologies afterwards. I wish I could hold my breath and never fly again...

A man got to do what he got to do...

Haven't slept for two days now, still going strong honey... It feels like on ecstasy, more like up on a tree (gahuga!)! But a man got to do what he got to do... I am way behind my schedule, this is the only way to catch up! Thanks to my iMac & "the smoke", two reasons why I am still up writing, designing and coding... Want to drop dead on my bed, but I better get back to work...

Don't play with my blood...

Do you smoke? Yes! Why do you smoke? I like the kick! Did you smoke before? No! Why did you start? Well, I was a bit lonely and wanted to try something new. Can you stop? Yes, of course. Will you stop? Maybe, but for now I am a smoker and I like it. Actually I love it and enjoy it. So why are you asking so many questions? No, I have no plans to stop it, so dear, if you want to be with me just get used to it. Why should I be sorry for doing something I love and enjoy? That is who I am! We all will die one day, so stop giving me that bull shit, I aren't buying it. I don't care what anyone says, smoke is in my blood so don't play with my blood...