Another reality...

When it is time to take a break from day's parley, after a shower/bath, lying on the bed can feel the pain in the feet released. The whole body sinks to the bed to a silent and deep release. Where ever that is, closing the eyes, only music that is composed are of the slow beating of the heart and the air that goes in and out. Time goes still for a door way to another dimension as in Alice in Wonderland. Only to be waken by a call at mid night, if not in the morning, by a herald valued more than coffee to another reality...

I am in no pride to bare the wrath of God.

Are you sure of yourself and your actions? Are you mechanical or exercising your free will? Why do some long to be with me all through the night? I can come up with hundreds of reasons to why I value some feelings and some I forget! Even Sweeney Todd had his reasons! One thing is sure, with every demon that possessed, be it Bune, Asmodeus or Dantalion, we grow stronger after the fight. When we are in total darkness while the eyes are open, we can still find the light, if we can feel and reason. You don't need to evoke Choronzon to know id and ego and you don't need to be convinced like M. Scott Peck. If you know what I know, you will act as I do. No, I don't long for a grimore to succeed, for Maxwell's demon is acting in my favor, but I see myself longing for the unknown to guide my journey. It is not the voices of the Qareen for we are false friends. Nor that I long to seek the pleasures of malevolent Lilith. When Laplace's demon is clear, am I to rely on confirmation bias without seeking the truth? I don't want to fight to see if Satan was right and I am wrong, but as a mere slave of God, I am in no pride to bare the wrath of God.

The Wrestler

I am not much of a fan of Wrestling, or more importantly tear-jerky movies. And by the title, "The Wrestler (2008)" I wasn't expecting that, but this movie really made my eyes wet. Mickey, (also seen in Sin City) did great acting, really commendable...

I wonder how many people have lived life, experienced and is mature enough to see pass the striptease scenes and understand the underline message, more importantly feel this movie and the song? For the lyrics I had to listen to the song a couple of times, and I hate this feeling...

This movie is really for the adults, if you have a heart and can feel, I highly recommend this. Of course, go for a reality check after watching!

WARNING: This movie is Rated R for violence, sexuality/nudity, language and some drug use.

Some quotes from the movie!

Randy: 'I just want to tell you, I'm the one who was supposed to take care of everything. I'm the one who was supposed to make everything okay for everybody. It just didn't work out like that. And I left. I left you. You never did anything wrong. I used to try to forget about you. I used to try to pretend that you didn't exist, but I can't. You're my girl. You're my little girl. And now, I'm an old broken down piece of meat... and I'm alone. And I deserve to be all alone. I just don't want you to hate me.'

Randy: 'I just want to say to you all tonight I'm very grateful to be here. A lot of people told me that I'd never wrestle again and that's all I do. You know, if you live hard and play hard and you burn the candle at both ends, you pay the price for it. You know in this life you can loose everything you love, everything that loves you. Now I don't hear as good as I used to and I forget stuff and I aint as pretty as I used to be but god damn it I'm still standing here and I'm The Ram. As times goes by, as times goes by, they say "he's washed up", "he's finished" , "he's a loser", "he's all through". You know what? The only one that's going to tell me when I'm through doing my thing is you people here.'

Last for your read, here is the lyrics!

Bruce Springsteen, The Wrestler

Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the fields so happy and free?
If you’ve ever seen a one trick pony then you’ve seen me
Have you ever seen a one legged dog making his way down the street?
If you’ve ever seen a one legged dog then you’ve seen me

Then you’ve seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you’ve seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you’ve seen me, but I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and wheat?
If you’ve ever seen that scarecrow then you’ve seen me
Have you ever seen a one armed man punching at nothing but the breeze?
If you’ve ever seen a one armed man then you’ve seen me

Then you’ve seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you’ve seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you’ve seen me, but I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

These things that have comforted me I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith’s in the broken bones and bruises I display

Have you ever seen a one legged man trying to dance his way free?
If you’ve ever seen that one legged man then you’ve seen me.

I am craving to play...

Big changes are in the horizon, mountain huge changes. As for now, it is the time to be a part of a yet another small but important project. So much money spend on so many unplanned expenses! Friends are a source of encouragement and not to mention the ideas and helping hands. Well, the current status looks a bit dire but I can't afford to give up, not now. It is said that God is with the perseverance, and if I can stick up for a couple of days, things always settle down in the clam lands. On the other hand, it is always more exciting to embrace the unknown and swim into the bedlam! No, stability and security doesn't excite me. What is more exciting than moving through the day without much restraining disciple or structure. All in all, chaos is better than boredom.

I have got a mild headache, 24/7! Lets blame it on the fact that I did not sleep last night and the demanding work schedule. Some relationships and memories are just isn't what they are! It is hard to admit somethings heavy and hard are going under the surface, full of nuances. Whenever I love, I end up hurting the one I love. It is funny how it repeats time after time. Well, I guess it is time to mend the relationships and friendships that are bothering me. So it is either to give it another try, or exercise self-control and avoid the temptations that might haunt me in small dozes for the rest of my life.

Business goals are a long shot, things won't move for the next couple of months. The only way to make the impossible to come is perseverance, I have done it in the past, so let's do it again. What is keeping me going, possibly it is my obsessions. However, my obsessions are under control, like no one will ever believe or understand! Though this sounds wrong, I have to tell you that this feels so right, 'My problems are mine and no other can shoulder it for me'. Waiting for the time to sign some legal papers. At hard times like this, the game is in taking the business to the next level and I am craving to play...

I long to richly reward for accommodating my wishes!

The endless phone calls, the enlightening and stimulating conversations of dreamy worlds. The exchange of gifts, cards and whatnot! The commitments and little promises. Well, haven't done those for a long, long time. I am not ready it says, it is not the time to forget to hang up as the time goes by! Well, catching up is fun at times, but have no plans to do it for a while!
Actually right now, I only take physical presences. If you know what I want, I long to richly reward, by that what was given, for accommodating my wishes! ;)

Say goodbye to your empty wallet!

So they say we are in a recession, well do you want to learn how to be recession-proof? Is your economic status up to your wanting? Are you satisfied with your bank account? More importantly are you living to your satisfaction? Or are you happy being a multi-bikaaree?

Truth is, the real problem is not money, it is just a manifestation of a bigger problem? Just stop by to smell a rose to learn what really made you what you are today? Do you qualify to do that?

Well, simple facts of life! If you don't have a bank account, it cannot be zero! If you don't want what you cannot get, you simply don't need it! If you don't have a wallet it can never be empty!
Sense the real beauty and benefit of in helping one another, caring one another, looking after one another! The real brotherhood that we all only hear of, is the cure. So like the care-bears, say I care and all at once, say goodbye to your empty wallet!

Time to take more sleep than I can take

When we believe that the end justifies the mean, at least as far as I know, it get things done! When relationships are tense it is far better to refrain from disputes and change the view of sentimentalism! The period of discouragements, most of the time, leads to moments of euphoria... But is it worth the effort? Most old memories are both dark and cloudy! I am stuck in an island with no profit but lot of time on my hand to get my work done, to liquidate what is doable! I guess it is time to take more sleep than I can take!

Strip off your cloths in a cloth shop

Why do we wear cloths? To cover our nakedness? Well, that is a good enough reason but I guess it should be more than that! What we wear is a part of us, just look at a mirror if you need proof! What you wear makes you, an addition to how you want to be seen for and by others. But how many have this sense of style, a self projection of how you want to be seen with what you wear? Or how many wear what they really want to wear? This is not about money, but it is about style!

So next time when you go out shopping don't be afraid to try different styles on the mirror to see how it look on you! And remember that feeling when you strip off your cloths in a cloth shop!

When things change, people around also change!

We all first have to imagine something before we can achieve it! What to do with a divine like guide of a state-of-the-art design force? Design, the process of gluing free will and intention, along with some favourable breeze from the natural principles to actions.

Few of the uncertainties that have been lingering around for the past few days are all gone, time to make some solid moves. Time to get rid of headaches and nuisances. It is amazing how we humans forget the days of hardship once we are rescued by the waves of blessing. One thing is clear, when things change, people around also change!

A true blessing in disguise

History shows that involvement in any artistic or collaborative task involving a huge crowd is more or less a hit or miss, but when I have faith luck always seems to be on my side. A day of a huge set back, a time to slow down. Not a day to take on too many things at once. When things look cloudy, spinning words of a far sighted friend always pave the way for drilling ahead. I am known to be a fast mover, but today a close friend sorted things out before and way faster than I can move. Great inspirations and ideas are dominating my thoughts. A true blessing in disguise.

Only in my head!

It seems only very few prefer the happy single life to the limitations and excess baggage of being in a couple! Maybe having a solid partner has its benefits! However, even with this constant pressure from family and friends, I still feel the desire to exist by and for myself. What more can I say, with my insane insomnia, I don't remember when I last had a good night sleep. On the other hand, what if I am relaxed? What if this idea of a good night sleep is only in my head?

Are you made up of a true and dedicated heart?

The world knows of the words, good, bad and ugly. But does these define people? Or in other sense does these even exist? Someone elses good is always a bad for other, likewise even devil have reasons for his actions, as good, which make sense for him. I have come to believe that there are no such things as good, bad or ugly in this world. These are only innovations of the devil.
Before an irreversible spell is cast, do you need to see it to believe? With  freedom of choices and intention in lined with the rules of nature, one's own heart is all that is needed to believe. No one is a victim in this world, so no one need saving!
For any believer the world is a place of trial. A test of what? How good or bad or ugly he happens to be? No! This just do not add up or make sense. A cumulative total of good and bad canceled out to make a person sounds way too foolish to me. How can that be a base to judge a character?
We are given everything that we possibly need to make our own reality. Both matter and value is all that one needs to create their own garden of purpose.
The trial is not about stripping one's self completely from desire either, an act that has no value for any reward! How can one be rewarded for things of which they have no experience of? No reward is entitled for being nothing but rather the devil's advocacy is in leading men to unrestricted desire, beyond the limits set by our creator. Living a delusional life of illusive good, that is both subjective and objective at any given moment.
So what is this trial? In a human terminology, the easiest way to define this trial is temptation. This world is a test of temptation, in this case, the trial in reality is for the strong, the weak and the lost. Those who face temptation with a strong spirit or weak submission to it or those who are lost in it. So in the end, the strong do deserve the heaven. The weak taste the wrath until in the mist of the fury learn to be strong. While the lost, will stay lost in hell.
The world is a test of emotional availability and devotion, with patience and self-worth. So the real questions to ask are, are you a believer made up of a true and dedicated strong heart?

Live by a collective state of sleep

Do we live our life asleep, I mean not in a state of rest, but more like zombies. Heedless of the future and the natural environment. The problem of such a state of sleep is that we are totally disarmed, our ability to defend is limited, and the care for others in practical manner are practically impossible. Do you feel like that? Even animals with their animal instinct live awake and are aware of their environment and future. Than again some are awake but most of the human race live by a collective state of sleep.

When empowered by the spirits, winning is the only option.

A day of infection, the unique element of any infection is that it develops from a specific injury to a specific person(s). It may be of unintentional cause, but that does not matter, what matters is the victims and how it was infected. The cause and effects of it, the victims and the cause.

Does it matter whether a wound comes randomly or from ones own actions or from another person? I guess to most a major infection carries a sense of fatal dread with unforgettable memories!

An infection has spoiled plan A, it is time to execute plan B, brush up plan C and plan the plan D. When empowered by the spirits, winning is the only option.

Greed is important!

It is ok to get frustrated and rant on my blog, so I am here. I am very disappointing. Why do most Maldivians prefer a life of begging, living off well-fair and subjugated. When sick well-fair, education well-fair, health well-fair! At this rate, even jetties has to be part of well-fair and be slaves. If you really care about your life, the country, society and people do something about it. Stand up for your freedom. Be the change. Lead by example. We have heard of programs like 'Poverty Reduction', but has it changed anything? Not only in the Maldives, throughout the world has it really reduced poverty? However, most of us think that subjugated-living is good enough, so we will have more time screwing and having children we don't really want, how pathetic!

Begging or well-fair is not the way, it is a path to misery, pain and slavery. Democracy sucks, it makes the rich richer and poor poorer. Give all your money to Microsoft or Dhiraagu and starve. Stop being slaves to the system, money is not everything. We all are hungry and in pain at times. Isn't that easy enough to understand? So it is up to us to help one another. When democracy is not bonded on a helping mindset, what you get is some people who called themselves as 'untouchables'! No, you don't need to be a 'haaby' to lead a life of helping one another. Happiness is more important than money. So stop being and fantasizing that rich and power hungry person who really do not care, popularized by the movies. How do one just let this idea fit into their head?

It is all greed! Well, 'greed', as the idea that when you work harder, stand up for yourself, you will get more money and what you want, is important. I guess today no dad will want their daughter to marry a man without 'greed'. So this 'greed' is what we need, but to this 'greed' we are in need of a new name.

One of these days, I shall take a break and call back!

Tomorrow look brighter than today, but the time for action is today. So, I have to keep up with this urge to strive hard. No matter how hard I try stability seem far from green light. Whatever! I like this and I surrender my life to extemporaneousness. However, tonight I am feeling a severe headache and a little bit tired. Is mundane actions eating up so much of my time that I can't even pick up the phone for the new sparks? One of these days, I shall take a break and call back!

Have my empathy

Someone wants to dupe me? Try me, I love a challenge. Be wary, it is not going to be an easy task to pull one over me! Perhaps this person might turn to be smart enough to devise a plan, in that case, I respect. Thanks to my Lord, history shows that so far all such plans came with my knowledge. However, I love to help! Helping people, letting people win at times, give me a warm feeling inside, so I just might let it pitch on! However, if this turn out to be lame enough, have my empathy...

Making sure not to get pulled over by a traffic cop

I love speed, live on nervous energy and work under pressure but Maldives is only good for the slow movers, not much adventure for the energetics! I feel it, when my engine is fired up and revving hard enough to dust the road, there is no choice but move slowly on the first gear! My smoke was the only thing that kept me slow on the road, even that is said to be banned. Yeah, I can take up an extreme sport like, diving or surfing, but I am not rich enough yet to live that life. Well, I have people who depend on me, can't let them down for my adventures... This is fucking frustrating... I guess the only option now is to secretly shift the gear and let it speed, making sure not to get pulled over by a traffic cop.

Self Criticism: Shame on me!!!

There are people who prefer easy going life and refuse to struggle! Not everyone has the energy, vision and resources to excel in life! So is my high energy and enthusiasm fit for all? No, too much of anything is good for nothing and too much of me is unbearable too. My frustrations deserve to point fingers and to out burst with steam... However, will that motivate others? So for now I am freezing all that I want to say, shame on me!!!

So tell me, is there anything worth dying for in your life?

Dr. Martin Luther King said "If You've Got Nothing Worth Dying For, You've Got Nothing Worth Living For!" In a quest to find what people take worth dying for, I have being posing some questions to most of my friends. First I asked, would you die for your kid(s)? All without hesitation said yes! At least all of my friends said so! Next I asked, would you die for your partner? Most hesitated and those eventually said no! Than I asked, would you die for your Mum? Few thought about it for a few seconds and those few said no! I continued to ask, would you die for your Dad? Nearly all said no and very few said yes! Hmm, interesting... Next I asked, would you die for your country? All said no! What? Last I asked would you die for your religion? This question made nearly all of them to go into a deep thought, as if they wanted to say no but found it hard to say so! Eventually they did said yes, more or less like against their will! At least all had something worth dying for, giving them something worth living for!

Well, I believe what Martin wanted to say is not about dying but something way old, like Greek old. Where how much passion someone had in life was with what they were judged! It is not about how willing you are to throw your soul to death, more of the passion to fight for a cause, for a belief, for others and your betterment and for the world you live in. In this passionate fight are you willing to die or rather struggle if it calls for it! In this respect, without such a passion it is hard to stand up and keep going, to hurdle over obstacles and difficulties that life so like to throw at us. However today, when we say passion, it is more or less tangled with another, but a much volatile word called love and even sex for some.

If I am to give an example it would be like the passion Muslims had in the Golden Age, I believe the passion for God is something worth dying for! However the concept of Jihad as used now-a-days sound both stupid and confusing, I would not recommend it as worth dying! It is also like the passion Romeo+Juliet had, though it was only a play and I would never recommend it as worth dying! These example do not fit to our world now, in a way I want to convey it, as today the world has changed, the fights and struggles has changed! However, I believe we humans are still capable of attaining such passion and to do great things with it. I believe altruism is the key for such passion! So tell me, is there anything worth dying for in your life?

Who are you role modeling or imitation?

It is said that in life we learn from our mistakes. However, I have come to this epiphany that nobody, I repeat nobody, in my known life has ever learned from their mistakes. No wonder why people all around the world make the same mistakes over and over again. They live their life over and over again with the same habits and ideas. Falling to the same traps right after standing up. Some call it habits, some blame it on genetics, some go as far as blaming others. Truth is we humans are not meant to learn from mistakes.

So the question is how do we learn? When it comes to behaviour there is only one way that I trust to learn. We learn by imitation or by following role models. Sure we have trend setters and leaders. Even they are shaped by the same rules and only very few have enough will power and wisdom to break free and prove otherwise.

The saddest news is my country seriously lacks good role models! So who are you role modeling or imitation? Or may I say, who would you rather role model or imitate?

Public Affection!

I was enjoying a coffee with a friend, in a stimulating conversation as usual, when suddenly all attention of the coffee shop was drowned to a couple walking in holding hands and practically clinging. I could not help but raised by eyebrow with a smirk at the girl, it was unconscious so can't help it. The guy show it and looked at the girl's returned smile, tightened his grab on her! Oh! my precious!

At that point my friend turned to me and asked. Why do you think they act like that? That question kept me thinking, with some reflections to the past! Well, truth be told, I was there, did that! To me enjoying a hug or a kiss in the public as a way of affection is nothing earth shattering. However, there are social formalities and absurdities. So based on my personal experience I told him.

A kid holding the hand of mum or dad is another story. Two girls doing it can mean anything! However, when a grown up couple does it I think such public affection can only mean one of two things! Either they are new in love or it is a sign of insecurity! Just see who is holding whose hand! If it seems that one is holding the others hand, the person holding the hand has an insecurity in the relationship. If it seems that both holding hands on a common ground and enjoying together, they are most probably new in love.

She unleashed into me...

This morning once again she came to my arms and I lugged her to me, and suddenly she was so tiny in my arms. It vanished, the resistant vanished, and she began to dissolve in a brilliant peace. As she dissolved, small and marvelously in my arms, she became extremely pleasing to me. All my blood vessels rushed me into stiffness. Yet, with a soft longing for her. For her quietness, for the penetrating splendor in my arms. Passing in to my blood and gently with a touch, with pure tender desire, softly I caress the slippery slope of her body up towards my lips. Coming closer and closer to the very end of her, and she wanted me like a blaze of desire, yet gentle, and she swept herself in the desire, she release herself, her breath raised against her will, with a silent marvelous force of insertion, and she freed herself to me. She surrendered, a moan fancying death, and she was all sweeping to me. If I left her now it would be mean. She was all gaping to me, and so desirable.

She made another longing moan, a strange and exciting. As it might come with a wipe on a delicately opened body, and that would be fatal. She grasped in a sudden agony of fear, but it came with a mysterious relaxed hope of wanting, a wicked hope of pleasing, and a slow unusual rawness, such as that marked by the sacrifice of a soul.

And her fear haunted her heart, her heart risked to let go for wanting, she freed everything, she risked to set free everything! With an unspoken yearning, my morning coffee, she unleashed into me...

I prefer affection over love

Today let me tell my take on love and affection! Affection or 'kulunu' is purely born out of respect to someone! A deep feeling of admiration for someone with regards for his or her feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions. A respect can also be born for someone's abilities, qualities or achievements. Affection is spiritual! Now don't take my word for it, just take a person you have a lot of affection for and ask, why? And just say 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam!' :|

For God said is the Quran 30:21, "And from His signs is that He created for you mates from yourselves that you may reside with them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. In that are signs for a people who reflect".

Now comes love, the so called love as we know is a combination of both fear and respect. Now don't take me wrong here, fear is a good thing. Fear keeps us in the due places, it keeps us bound to a reality. Just take someone you have or love, and simply ask yourself. Do you have a fear? A fear mostly of loosing, or at time of insecurity, or parents, or relatives, or it can be anything. If you have ever fallen in love, just look into your life, what really drive you to love is this fear. :)

Let us look at it from a lady's point of view. Let us picture a superior, masterful and a cruel man! It would take a lot of courage for a lady to bring such a man into her way, to change him into a compassionate, tender and nurturing man. Isn't such a brave and daring act worthy of olympic medals? Love is the journey where a lady decide to exercise a strong passionate garrison over a man, what an exciting but frightening journey? ;)

But why take such a fearful journey? It is all about procreation! To mate with the best, to create the best of offsprings, so you and your offsprings survival is high. It is all biologically wired into you! Can't help it! ;) However, with today's social conditioning, bollywood and hollywood, peer pressure and relatives, only very few will dare to become such a diva, the rest who fall to social subjection is called 'society'! :P

As for me, I had enough of this, I had my experiences of love and I think it is about time I prefer affection over love.

After motherhood the man become unloved

Why is a beautiful and high self-esteemed lady interested to take the risk of falling in love? Yes, it is a risk, falling in love is the single highest risk that a lady will take in her entire life! So why do it? Well, the real pleasure is in letting go, giving herself completely, in body and mind, to such a risk! A fantasized pleasure by making a choice, a gamble, that just might turn out to be the right one, against all odds and choices! Of course success depends on her skillfulness to teach the man to love!

Hence, this love will die after marriage! Why? Well, after taking the journey from a virgin to a mother, literally, the pleasure of living such risks are far too dangerous. So love has to turn to affection for survival and after motherhood the man become unloved. :(

How can a man fall, even when he wants and needs to!

Who says that love is an easy thing? Yes, I say it is suppose to be hard, especially for a man with strong ambitions. For such a man is a warrior who believes in loyalty, integrity, power and death. Living and Loving is an evasive affair. Though we all crave for happiness, friends, partners, children for joy, these very needs create frailty. Such is an unbearable weakness for a man, for whom weakness is next to suicide. So how can a man give in easily when love is a promise of a lethal vulnerability! How can a man fall, even when he wants and needs to! :P

She is meant to teach me a lesson in life...

Reflecting back in time, I can see at given points in my life I have always met someone who interested me enough to touch my soul. Next I can feel the nature being on our side, with clear signs of synchronicity. These persons seems to create the same emotions and come into my life over and over again at regular intervals! Am I to feel and think that I have a destiny with this particular archetype? For sure I feel the connection. Even the karma between us is positive, now I am positive that in all these cases, the attracted person has one thing in common. Whether I am ready or not, she is meant to teach me a lesson in life...

A bad fashion I can fix, but a cheat?

I know a girl from my dating world hasn't been exactly honest with me... Whether it is a lie about her age or profession doesn't really matter... This might sound fun or alright, on the other side of the lie, but this is a very serious matter... I simply can't take this lightly! A fib's a fib: and the deception will only grow with the time... A bad fashion I can fix, but a cheat? No way...

She was so young to die.

I can't sleep tonight, why is she in my head tonight? It was a Ramazan, when she called me late night. I did felt her pain inside but I was helpless to be by her side. That night something did went wrong. With the sun I heard she left this world. You can say whatever you want, I will never believe, even if it is true, that she can suicide. I can still see her body lying on that table, too still, for an energetic girl like her. Nobody did noticed me and I could not look at her dead body being buried in the ground. So I rushed to home, with helpless tears I stayed stone for hours. The sun was shining as bright as we had predicted and we were suppose to go for a swim that sunny day. Yeah, she was a good challenge, too fast and always beat me on water a track or two. I miss those nights talking on the stairways, the funny jokes we burst out and the endless coffee table debates. After all these years, I am still to find a girl to match her taste. No wonder why she is still lingering in my head. So tonight let me say "Goodbye" and may she rest in peace with eternal spiritual light. That unfortunate dark night, I lost a friend, my swim buddy, I guess I can't complain but she was so young to die.