I will be deleting my blog...

I hope with my blogging @ dairresistible.blogspot.com someone learned something or found it entertaining enough for a read. You are give a week to take whatever in this blog and treasure it. Because, as of 1st of June 2010 I will be deleting my blog...

Strength of my self-discipline

I am not whining or complaining, more of like while trying out IBM Lotus Symphony I have suddenly got some vested interest in sharing my feelings to make a connection with you. In short, I am utterly dissatisfied. I guess we all are at times, it is in our nature. Humans! Some times it is like you hate the entire world, just want to be alone, leave me alone! Feels like the bars of this cage called life are toughening and rising higher beyond the clouds. The heart speeds up, with frightening thoughts and the forehead gets the sweat. Well, these are the signs that indicate that I am in the wrong place. More like the right time to get a one way ticket out for an escape.

What might have triggered such a state? Perhaps a chance encounter with someone I have been wishing to fall out of love, the nature have facts to prove that wishes are only for the wussies, and in the end never come true anyway. The animal inside wants to come out with unspoken torments and frustrations! Should I let it? Luckily I have matured enough not to act on my impulses.

Love you say, yes, sure I am. Well, who would not want romance in their life. But in love, you take so much time and effort to build a feeble stick house, which can be so easily blown away with the wind of change, or what if you stepped on it, accidentally or just out of ill judgment? So right now, I am not in the mood to tackle any setbacks in the romance department, too much responsibilities. In the matters of the heart, if I play, I play to win and games bring no joy! So it is time to do whatever it takes to brush off this nostalgia. For an ultimate joy, it requires a lot of sparks, but the problem is I have no time for sparks, not now...

So this is time for a change, is love in the air? Yes! But lets say change is in the air sounds better! This is more like a time to transform my heart, mind and my world. A gigantic leap forward. Time to take back the life of sugary sweet, frivolous, not that much sincere but enjoyable. The goal is aimed at a lazy finale, but for the finale I have got some heavy lifting to do, putting all this together requires an unchallengeable discipline. In short, coolness where romance is concerned. To make all these real, a decision has to be made. So I decide, I want freedom, and presto a rising tide of a very positive love vibration, as well as attunement to everything that is elegant, refined, beautiful, stylish and valuable. On a side note interest in antiques and collectibles, shopping and home decoration. I can't win if I don't play. Anything is possible for I know my passion, my potential and the strength of my self-discipline.

I am forced to be focused and mentally-clear...

Most of the time when working in a team, hoping for things to be done smooth and easily turn out to be a big disappointment. It is frustrating but being pushy, willful and to project the anger onto well-meaning teammates and friends is taboo. When things mushroom like this, there is no time for fun, for I am forced to be focused and mentally-clear...

New Inspirations!

Yesterday's luster is all gone and troubling vibes are neutralized. Lesson learned, opportunities are many but there are not that many days when I want an incited face to greet me in the morning. I am in a mood for adventure, this urge to explore the worlds is undeniable. However I am tired of the routine Male', perhaps need to hide away in an island filled with strangers and do a little bird-watching! Maybe some water sports and soulful walk by the beach front for new inspirations.

I love myself...

I think I am bald, haven't seen it or notice it until a friend would comment about it. I return the question, "sexy huh!" For I recall no history of when it all started, but for all I know baldness has nothing to do on my attractiveness or sexual virility. Like some friends, I could force myself to shave but the oh so perfect sterilized look doesn't appeal me much! Is this something to do with age? Well, anytime when someone ask, I have to calculate my age, so age is not an anxiety here...

In lieu of understanding, I will just say "who cares!" On the other hand I could bitch and moan about it! What for? I appreciate who I am and what I have, for I love myself...

Two questions to ask yourself about your boyfriend!

Girls, this may sound weired, but believe me on my age old experience. :) This two questions can make or break your relationship for an ever ending whatever you want. Don't get me here? Well, the most difficult part is not asking these two questions but rather the answers and more importantly what you want the answers to be! I stress the word 'you' here! So if you have followed this far into this blog post I am sure you must be really curious to know what those two questions are? Well, they are, is your boyfriend spiritual? And is your boyfriend creative? Simple! Note as I have mentioned before, first and foremost you have to find the type you prefer, some may like spiritual and some may not like it, that is ok. By the way by spiritual I don't mean religious! At the same time some may like creativity while for others it may be a nuisance. So know what you like first and next ask the two questions to yourself. In reality what only matters is your perceptions of who your boy friend is, not what others think or he think. Wish you all an enlightening morning with these two questions to ask yourself about your boy friend.

All that is important is doing the right thing!

Every dream, every big dream pass through three stages. Just like a farmer who plant a seed expecting the fruit of the labor. First it is the wanting of the fruit. Next planting the seeds, watering, attention to details and taking care. Last watch them grow slowly and steadily until it is time to pick the fruit. How one want to satisfy beyond this is both objective and subjective, but every dream has to pass through these three stages.

In the real life first comes the vision, the imagination and the idea. Than comes the plans to realize the dream to a realistic way forward based on set goals. Next it is the time to act and here one needs a lot of patience. Patience does not mean doing nothing, but more of like playing along with the nature.

One such dream is in motion, something dear to my heart, important and personal. Call me a dreamer, a loner, crazy or creative or even spiritual, suit yourself for I don't care. Listening to my inner voice I know the dream is awakeing from it's slumber. Yes, I dare to dream, for I dream with my eyes open. At times I feel the "loneliness", but all that is important is doing the right thing.

This shall pass too, for I am only human.

Feeling a lot of frustrations, but I have no reason to! Everything is moving as planned, everything is worth saying great, but why this annoying feeling! What is that I am missing? I am trying hard not to channel this frustration on others, for one day I might have to say sorry...

I know I am not ready to present her the hot bath tub... I can get things done easily by manipulation or deceit, but history have proved that the gain is not worth it, and I have never enjoyed anything unless it was mutually desired...

This is more like time to relax, for a while. There is nothing more to do, lists and promises are boring. This shall pass too, for I am only human.

Build my character to a new level

Well, I never expect things to be easy and everyone informed how hard it would be. Handling pressure and controlled chaos is not a problem. However, I never expected this many disguised opponents from all directions. Everyone playing nice and friendly. Well, it looks like this journey after all is going to be well worth to build my character to a new level.

I know we are going to be together for a while

The year started off with too much to handle, projects to work, nothing so far can be titled as, 'Mission accomplished', the worst part is I am forced to move on to brand new projects one after the another without completing the previous one satisfactorily. Being a perfectionist by nature, this is driving me insane...

Delegating and distributing my work and responsibilities that I love to do and entrusting others to complete and take care of them is rather difficult, but I know I am left with no choice and this is the only way to move forward.

My creative mind is wandering somewhere else, some where far away and twenty four hours per day seems not enough time to get everything on my plate done.

On top of all, I am tight down with a new personality that is a bit too pushy for my liking. Well, I am in the middle of something big, so I guess I better learn to handle this individual now, for I know we are going to be together for a while.

I love you all by heart and promise to stay loyal

I definitely wasn't expecting to fall in love now - not this fast and again, especially when I already have three wives. However, I am in love again for the fourth time, now I have decided and affirmed myself to marry and stay loyal until the trill last and the pleasure is worth it.

This burden on me is huge, the pressure is immense, this is the limit but lets not have any misgivings, accept the reality - repeat, accept, accept, accept - you that little voice in my head, back off! For all my wives, Maldicore, Ligo, MOSS & MBD, I love you all by heart and promise to stay loyal.

When romance is at home, the end is sweet

So far romance has been as of a romantic comedy! At times endless witty and challenging conversations like a ping-pong game. Can't help but display my cheeky side, for anyone who do live up to it excites me. In the mist of all these there are happy moments worth treasuring. More importantly there are those jolly movements worth laughing at own self. Whatever is the case, when romance is at home, the end is sweet.

As long as I love it, why apologize...

I love duties and responsibilities as long as they have a sense of belonging, something to say it is mine. Specially when I am a part of something huge, mountain big. At times the to do list do weigh me down but I love this nervous energy, I like to feed on it... So today, let me stop and count the number of hours I have slept in the past five days! Well, it came up to be, ten! Who cares, as long as I love it, why apologize...

Another reality...

When it is time to take a break from day's parley, after a shower/bath, lying on the bed can feel the pain in the feet released. The whole body sinks to the bed to a silent and deep release. Where ever that is, closing the eyes, only music that is composed are of the slow beating of the heart and the air that goes in and out. Time goes still for a door way to another dimension as in Alice in Wonderland. Only to be waken by a call at mid night, if not in the morning, by a herald valued more than coffee to another reality...

I am in no pride to bare the wrath of God.

Are you sure of yourself and your actions? Are you mechanical or exercising your free will? Why do some long to be with me all through the night? I can come up with hundreds of reasons to why I value some feelings and some I forget! Even Sweeney Todd had his reasons! One thing is sure, with every demon that possessed, be it Bune, Asmodeus or Dantalion, we grow stronger after the fight. When we are in total darkness while the eyes are open, we can still find the light, if we can feel and reason. You don't need to evoke Choronzon to know id and ego and you don't need to be convinced like M. Scott Peck. If you know what I know, you will act as I do. No, I don't long for a grimore to succeed, for Maxwell's demon is acting in my favor, but I see myself longing for the unknown to guide my journey. It is not the voices of the Qareen for we are false friends. Nor that I long to seek the pleasures of malevolent Lilith. When Laplace's demon is clear, am I to rely on confirmation bias without seeking the truth? I don't want to fight to see if Satan was right and I am wrong, but as a mere slave of God, I am in no pride to bare the wrath of God.

The Wrestler

I am not much of a fan of Wrestling, or more importantly tear-jerky movies. And by the title, "The Wrestler (2008)" I wasn't expecting that, but this movie really made my eyes wet. Mickey, (also seen in Sin City) did great acting, really commendable...

I wonder how many people have lived life, experienced and is mature enough to see pass the striptease scenes and understand the underline message, more importantly feel this movie and the song? For the lyrics I had to listen to the song a couple of times, and I hate this feeling...

This movie is really for the adults, if you have a heart and can feel, I highly recommend this. Of course, go for a reality check after watching!

WARNING: This movie is Rated R for violence, sexuality/nudity, language and some drug use.

Some quotes from the movie!

Randy: 'I just want to tell you, I'm the one who was supposed to take care of everything. I'm the one who was supposed to make everything okay for everybody. It just didn't work out like that. And I left. I left you. You never did anything wrong. I used to try to forget about you. I used to try to pretend that you didn't exist, but I can't. You're my girl. You're my little girl. And now, I'm an old broken down piece of meat... and I'm alone. And I deserve to be all alone. I just don't want you to hate me.'

Randy: 'I just want to say to you all tonight I'm very grateful to be here. A lot of people told me that I'd never wrestle again and that's all I do. You know, if you live hard and play hard and you burn the candle at both ends, you pay the price for it. You know in this life you can loose everything you love, everything that loves you. Now I don't hear as good as I used to and I forget stuff and I aint as pretty as I used to be but god damn it I'm still standing here and I'm The Ram. As times goes by, as times goes by, they say "he's washed up", "he's finished" , "he's a loser", "he's all through". You know what? The only one that's going to tell me when I'm through doing my thing is you people here.'

Last for your read, here is the lyrics!

Bruce Springsteen, The Wrestler

Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the fields so happy and free?
If you’ve ever seen a one trick pony then you’ve seen me
Have you ever seen a one legged dog making his way down the street?
If you’ve ever seen a one legged dog then you’ve seen me

Then you’ve seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you’ve seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you’ve seen me, but I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and wheat?
If you’ve ever seen that scarecrow then you’ve seen me
Have you ever seen a one armed man punching at nothing but the breeze?
If you’ve ever seen a one armed man then you’ve seen me

Then you’ve seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you’ve seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you’ve seen me, but I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

These things that have comforted me I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith’s in the broken bones and bruises I display

Have you ever seen a one legged man trying to dance his way free?
If you’ve ever seen that one legged man then you’ve seen me.

I am craving to play...

Big changes are in the horizon, mountain huge changes. As for now, it is the time to be a part of a yet another small but important project. So much money spend on so many unplanned expenses! Friends are a source of encouragement and not to mention the ideas and helping hands. Well, the current status looks a bit dire but I can't afford to give up, not now. It is said that God is with the perseverance, and if I can stick up for a couple of days, things always settle down in the clam lands. On the other hand, it is always more exciting to embrace the unknown and swim into the bedlam! No, stability and security doesn't excite me. What is more exciting than moving through the day without much restraining disciple or structure. All in all, chaos is better than boredom.

I have got a mild headache, 24/7! Lets blame it on the fact that I did not sleep last night and the demanding work schedule. Some relationships and memories are just isn't what they are! It is hard to admit somethings heavy and hard are going under the surface, full of nuances. Whenever I love, I end up hurting the one I love. It is funny how it repeats time after time. Well, I guess it is time to mend the relationships and friendships that are bothering me. So it is either to give it another try, or exercise self-control and avoid the temptations that might haunt me in small dozes for the rest of my life.

Business goals are a long shot, things won't move for the next couple of months. The only way to make the impossible to come is perseverance, I have done it in the past, so let's do it again. What is keeping me going, possibly it is my obsessions. However, my obsessions are under control, like no one will ever believe or understand! Though this sounds wrong, I have to tell you that this feels so right, 'My problems are mine and no other can shoulder it for me'. Waiting for the time to sign some legal papers. At hard times like this, the game is in taking the business to the next level and I am craving to play...

I long to richly reward for accommodating my wishes!

The endless phone calls, the enlightening and stimulating conversations of dreamy worlds. The exchange of gifts, cards and whatnot! The commitments and little promises. Well, haven't done those for a long, long time. I am not ready it says, it is not the time to forget to hang up as the time goes by! Well, catching up is fun at times, but have no plans to do it for a while!
Actually right now, I only take physical presences. If you know what I want, I long to richly reward, by that what was given, for accommodating my wishes! ;)

Say goodbye to your empty wallet!

So they say we are in a recession, well do you want to learn how to be recession-proof? Is your economic status up to your wanting? Are you satisfied with your bank account? More importantly are you living to your satisfaction? Or are you happy being a multi-bikaaree?

Truth is, the real problem is not money, it is just a manifestation of a bigger problem? Just stop by to smell a rose to learn what really made you what you are today? Do you qualify to do that?

Well, simple facts of life! If you don't have a bank account, it cannot be zero! If you don't want what you cannot get, you simply don't need it! If you don't have a wallet it can never be empty!
Sense the real beauty and benefit of in helping one another, caring one another, looking after one another! The real brotherhood that we all only hear of, is the cure. So like the care-bears, say I care and all at once, say goodbye to your empty wallet!

Time to take more sleep than I can take

When we believe that the end justifies the mean, at least as far as I know, it get things done! When relationships are tense it is far better to refrain from disputes and change the view of sentimentalism! The period of discouragements, most of the time, leads to moments of euphoria... But is it worth the effort? Most old memories are both dark and cloudy! I am stuck in an island with no profit but lot of time on my hand to get my work done, to liquidate what is doable! I guess it is time to take more sleep than I can take!