Another reality...

When it is time to take a break from day's parley, after a shower/bath, lying on the bed can feel the pain in the feet released. The whole body sinks to the bed to a silent and deep release. Where ever that is, closing the eyes, only music that is composed are of the slow beating of the heart and the air that goes in and out. Time goes still for a door way to another dimension as in Alice in Wonderland. Only to be waken by a call at mid night, if not in the morning, by a herald valued more than coffee to another reality...

I am in no pride to bare the wrath of God.

Are you sure of yourself and your actions? Are you mechanical or exercising your free will? Why do some long to be with me all through the night? I can come up with hundreds of reasons to why I value some feelings and some I forget! Even Sweeney Todd had his reasons! One thing is sure, with every demon that possessed, be it Bune, Asmodeus or Dantalion, we grow stronger after the fight. When we are in total darkness while the eyes are open, we can still find the light, if we can feel and reason. You don't need to evoke Choronzon to know id and ego and you don't need to be convinced like M. Scott Peck. If you know what I know, you will act as I do. No, I don't long for a grimore to succeed, for Maxwell's demon is acting in my favor, but I see myself longing for the unknown to guide my journey. It is not the voices of the Qareen for we are false friends. Nor that I long to seek the pleasures of malevolent Lilith. When Laplace's demon is clear, am I to rely on confirmation bias without seeking the truth? I don't want to fight to see if Satan was right and I am wrong, but as a mere slave of God, I am in no pride to bare the wrath of God.

The Wrestler

I am not much of a fan of Wrestling, or more importantly tear-jerky movies. And by the title, "The Wrestler (2008)" I wasn't expecting that, but this movie really made my eyes wet. Mickey, (also seen in Sin City) did great acting, really commendable...

I wonder how many people have lived life, experienced and is mature enough to see pass the striptease scenes and understand the underline message, more importantly feel this movie and the song? For the lyrics I had to listen to the song a couple of times, and I hate this feeling...

This movie is really for the adults, if you have a heart and can feel, I highly recommend this. Of course, go for a reality check after watching!

WARNING: This movie is Rated R for violence, sexuality/nudity, language and some drug use.

Some quotes from the movie!

Randy: 'I just want to tell you, I'm the one who was supposed to take care of everything. I'm the one who was supposed to make everything okay for everybody. It just didn't work out like that. And I left. I left you. You never did anything wrong. I used to try to forget about you. I used to try to pretend that you didn't exist, but I can't. You're my girl. You're my little girl. And now, I'm an old broken down piece of meat... and I'm alone. And I deserve to be all alone. I just don't want you to hate me.'

Randy: 'I just want to say to you all tonight I'm very grateful to be here. A lot of people told me that I'd never wrestle again and that's all I do. You know, if you live hard and play hard and you burn the candle at both ends, you pay the price for it. You know in this life you can loose everything you love, everything that loves you. Now I don't hear as good as I used to and I forget stuff and I aint as pretty as I used to be but god damn it I'm still standing here and I'm The Ram. As times goes by, as times goes by, they say "he's washed up", "he's finished" , "he's a loser", "he's all through". You know what? The only one that's going to tell me when I'm through doing my thing is you people here.'

Last for your read, here is the lyrics!

Bruce Springsteen, The Wrestler

Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the fields so happy and free?
If you’ve ever seen a one trick pony then you’ve seen me
Have you ever seen a one legged dog making his way down the street?
If you’ve ever seen a one legged dog then you’ve seen me

Then you’ve seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you’ve seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you’ve seen me, but I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and wheat?
If you’ve ever seen that scarecrow then you’ve seen me
Have you ever seen a one armed man punching at nothing but the breeze?
If you’ve ever seen a one armed man then you’ve seen me

Then you’ve seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you’ve seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you’ve seen me, but I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

These things that have comforted me I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith’s in the broken bones and bruises I display

Have you ever seen a one legged man trying to dance his way free?
If you’ve ever seen that one legged man then you’ve seen me.

I am craving to play...

Big changes are in the horizon, mountain huge changes. As for now, it is the time to be a part of a yet another small but important project. So much money spend on so many unplanned expenses! Friends are a source of encouragement and not to mention the ideas and helping hands. Well, the current status looks a bit dire but I can't afford to give up, not now. It is said that God is with the perseverance, and if I can stick up for a couple of days, things always settle down in the clam lands. On the other hand, it is always more exciting to embrace the unknown and swim into the bedlam! No, stability and security doesn't excite me. What is more exciting than moving through the day without much restraining disciple or structure. All in all, chaos is better than boredom.

I have got a mild headache, 24/7! Lets blame it on the fact that I did not sleep last night and the demanding work schedule. Some relationships and memories are just isn't what they are! It is hard to admit somethings heavy and hard are going under the surface, full of nuances. Whenever I love, I end up hurting the one I love. It is funny how it repeats time after time. Well, I guess it is time to mend the relationships and friendships that are bothering me. So it is either to give it another try, or exercise self-control and avoid the temptations that might haunt me in small dozes for the rest of my life.

Business goals are a long shot, things won't move for the next couple of months. The only way to make the impossible to come is perseverance, I have done it in the past, so let's do it again. What is keeping me going, possibly it is my obsessions. However, my obsessions are under control, like no one will ever believe or understand! Though this sounds wrong, I have to tell you that this feels so right, 'My problems are mine and no other can shoulder it for me'. Waiting for the time to sign some legal papers. At hard times like this, the game is in taking the business to the next level and I am craving to play...

I long to richly reward for accommodating my wishes!

The endless phone calls, the enlightening and stimulating conversations of dreamy worlds. The exchange of gifts, cards and whatnot! The commitments and little promises. Well, haven't done those for a long, long time. I am not ready it says, it is not the time to forget to hang up as the time goes by! Well, catching up is fun at times, but have no plans to do it for a while!
Actually right now, I only take physical presences. If you know what I want, I long to richly reward, by that what was given, for accommodating my wishes! ;)